White Chocolate
by Miharu is Harukas Love Child 2
Summary: What happens when Matt starts having wet dreams about Mello? Can they survive the stress of puberty when they're surrounded by murders, kidnappings, and tortured teddy bears? From the buddings of love to their eventual separation, it's all about the Wammy Days for our favorite gamer and chocoholic. M for violence, psychological games, trauma, and suspenseful themes. For Kyoko Keehl
1. Confusion

White Chocolate by Miharu is Haruka's Love Child

Chapter 1: The Night Before

New A/N: This is not a plagiarized story. I am Miharu is Haruka's Love Child. Also, this is the very first story I ever published on this site like five years ago and it's special to me because it was my first story. Also I can't remember what I named this chapter...oh well I guess I'll give it a new name.

Original A/N: So this is my first "real" fan fic. I'd like to dedicate it to Kyoko Keehl cuz I got the idea while we were messaging. This isn't a one-shot so I'll totally be taking suggestions and comments! Rated M for Mello! Rated M for Matt! Rated M for some serious kinkiness in future chapters. Oh yeah, you know you want it.

I don't own Death Note. I don't own a fabulously rich orphanage called Wammy's either. I don't even own leather pants. Damn my luck.

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I could feel my breath coming in short gasps…that is, when I dared to breathe at all. My goggles were dangling by the strap, wedged between my assaulter's teeth. His hands moved roughly along my sides, tugging at the fabric.

A single shaft of moonlight glinted off of a blade. The knife met with my shirt and drove its dominance through every fiber that covered my navel to my neck. Rather than cringe at the ripping sound, he smiled, baring his teeth ever so slightly and I felt the goggles hit my bare chest instantly. Then I saw the hunger in his searching eyes before he dove his lips into my neck, suckling every inch of my tender skin until my brain was on fire.

A moan escaped from me, a queer mixture of pleasure and discomfort from the nips and a rough tongue that never seemed satisfied. "Mello! Umph..Mello."

Faintly, ever so faintly he whispered my name back. In fact…

Too faintly.

"Matt. Matt! WAKE UP!"

Accompanying the voice was a strong hand that slapped my cheek. Holy smokes it stung! Yet, it was not unlike the roughness I'd known in the last moments of my dream. I struggled against the memory of that hand caressing the soft folds of my… Holy fucking Bowser! Was Mello's hand just touching my arm?

I swallowed. Hard. Poker face, Matt. Think Poker face. Must. Stop. Thinking.

I glanced up where Mello was hovering over my bed. I couldn't clearly catch his expression in the near darkness of our bedroom but he did throw his head back to let his milky fingers slip carelessly through loose strands of his blonde hair. My eyes followed the tilt of his head until they came to the desk on his side of the room. 3:49 AM said the digital clock.

"God, Matt! How am I supposed to get my beauty sleep if you keep fucking waking me up your nightmares? I demand you be punished at once!" He grinned with this if-I'm-going-to-suffer-then-I'm-taking-you-down-with-me kind of gleam in his eyes. And then his fingers dove at my stomach.

"No Meeello! Stooo-ahahahaha-stop! Please—ahahaha. No. More. Hahaha. Tickling!"

When I was finally out of breath and my eyes seemed to adjust to the poor lighting, I looked up at him once again. If he was still agitated for the early morning wake-up, it didn't show. He was sitting on the edge of my bed, with his head cocked to one side.

"You were speaking this time," he said. "Well, more like…calling for help. I heard my name a few times. I have the vaguest idea that something was trying to eat you."

"Uh…" My mind drew…nothing. Shit I actually said his name? Like out loud? I had to think up a story. Fast.

I knew the darkness would conceal my blush (Mello hadn't flicked the light on), but that didn't make lying to him any less precarious.

"I was being…er chased. By these things. Big black things with wings and umn…" I swallowed again, waving my hands around,"…umn somehow they had Linda's face!"

Mello snorted.

"Monsters with Linda's face! That's rich. Real rich." He was laughing without restraint. I sighed inwardly, caught somewhere between relief and guilt.

Ever since he moved to Wammy's and we became roommates, we've pretty much been best friends, but Mello doesn't latch onto people as easy as some of the other orphans (cough, Linda) can, and I regret doing anything to jeopardize his trust. Well, anything that doesn't have to do with me telling him that for the last few weeks I've been having steamy erotic dreams about him…

I mean he's my friend! And they were just dreams right? Don't people dream freaky shit about others sometimes? Yeah that had to be it. Just stupid irrational dreams. It wasn't like I was in love with Mello. That would be gay.

Mello had stopped laughing, but I imagined he was grinning widely.

"Well I guess I'd be having nightmares of her too if she stalked me the way she does with you. I swear that girl has a tracker on you or something. Freaky."

"Oh shut up Mello. You're the one that has a date with her." I put on my best Linda voice, "Meeello! Can I please sketch your portrait? Pretty pleeeeease? You have such expressive eyes!" I even clasped my hands together in that idiot fan girl pose she liked to make.

He suddenly went tense and I saw him raise his hand. Crap did I go too far with my teasing? Mello could be a tower of pain when you got on his bad side.

But he only slipped his fingers through his hair again. Then he said "Hell, do you blame her? I mean it's not my fault that I look this good. I bet I could get even Narcissus to look my way. Oww. What the hell did you throw a pillow at me for?"

Why had I thrown the pillow at him? I just didn't like what he was saying I guess…

"What and let my friend babble like an idiot? For a minute it actually sounded like…you liked Linda's attention."

Wait…Was I? Naww… I couldn't be jealous. Could I?

"Eh. She's an idiot. I'll let her amuse herself for a while. Then I'll use her trust against her to exploit her for my own gain." He made it sound so simple. So unfeeling. So…cool.

"Go back to sleep Matt." He thrust my pillow back at me. "Today's important and you'll want to be alert."

What was going to happen today? Roger had said something….Oh, right…as if I wasn't already worrying about enough things…

Today, we were going to meet L.

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Soo what did you think? I'd like comments if you please! :D


	2. Autumn Air

White Chocolate Chapter 2: Autumn Air

A/N: My original author's notes don't make much sense now since they were somewhat replies to reviews this fic originally had. Oh well. Enjoy it like this :D

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I woke to the distant crashing sounds of water that I knew must be Mello in the shower. I rolled over and planted my feet on the floor, trying to ignore the pounding in my brain. I reached over to my nightstand to slip my goggles on my face, when I found myself staring numbly at the strap. Last night…This morning…Shit. I let the goggles slip from my hand and tumble onto the carpet.

Somehow, I'd make it stop. If I couldn't even put on my damn goggles without thinking about…No. What in the name of Princess Toadstool was I thinking? I was _not into Mello_. End of story. This just had to be a phase of puberty. I'd read somewhere that people react strangely towards their initial sexual desire, although girls seemed to be more "creative" in that respect. I've heard strange things happen when girls masturbate...and I guessed it must be harder than it is for guys. Moreover, I was damn curious as to how, but I didn't think any girl at Wammy's was going to admit how a bathroom sink or a bedpost could relieve their sexual tension.

Thinking about girls masturbating made my head throb, but at least it took my mind off of Mello.

I suddenly craved a long drag and stood up to look for my cigarettes. A crisp sting met my face when I slid open our one window. I inhaled the perfect autumn morning breeze along with my nicotine. From where I stood, I had a perfect view of the west garden. Far from the suffocating hydrangeas and tulip beds was a lone tree. Its body seemed to claw up from the ground, gnarled, knobby, twisting and winding upward in such stark juxtaposition to the flawless rose buds and smiling daisy bushes. I wondered briefly if that tree felt like I did. I watched the gray clouds in front of my face and thought bitterly about how my heart was burning more than my cigarette. I was on my third smoke when I heard his voice.

"You alright, Matt? If you try to get more out of that cancer stick, you're going to end up smoking your fingers."

I turned to face Mello as he was pulling a long sleeved black shirt over a relaxed pair of jeans. After he'd pulled the hem a bit past his hips, he stole a glance my way.

His eyes went wide.

Mello opened his mouth to speak, but then seemed to think better of it. Instead, he strode across the room and placed a firm hand on my shoulder. I couldn't shy away from his piercing eyes once they bore into me, searching my naked emotions. I've never felt as vulnerable as I did in that moment.

Time, like us, stood still as we breathed together, arm's length apart but locked in each other's eyes. Mello was the one to break the silence.

"You're…you're crying, Matt."

Without taking his eyes off of me, he reached into his desk drawer and pulled out a long bar of chocolate. The wrapper crinkled noisily as he peeled it away from the dark rectangle. In a swift jerk, he snapped off the edge with his teeth. The first bite must have been to calm his own nerves, but I was still surprised when he handed the rest of the bar to me. I held it dumbly.

"Damn it Matt, twice in one morning? This had better not become a pattern," he teased, but gently, his voice heavy with more concern than I've ever heard from him. "Was this nightmare even worse than the first?"

I'm not sure what shocked me more, Mello's behavior, my behavior, or the fact that I was staring a perfect cover-up story in the face. Mello thought I'd woken up from another bad dream? I could force myself to nod a little in confirmation. Even in such a vulnerable state, I would quit smoking before I'd tell Mello the real reason behind my sudden breakdown.

"Do you feel like talking about it?" he asked, a little pensive.

I shook my head. To be honest, I felt a bit too apathetic for conversation. Especially if talking meant I had to make up another lie to tell him. I really wasn't up to thinking any more this morning.

The next five minutes dragged on. Mello sighed deeply and sat on the edge of his bed, eyeing my goggles that I'd discarded. Suddenly he threw his head back and the corner of his lips curled into a mischievous smile. He nearly jumped out of bed and pounced on my goggles. Then, swinging the goggles around his finger in a mini centrifuge, he turned to me and smirked.

"Mello, what the hell are you-"I started, but he cut me off midway.

"Let's play a game, Matt." He stopped swinging my eyewear long enough to walk to the window. "If you win, you get to keep your goggles. If I win, I get to do whatever I want with them. If you don't play, I still keep your goggles."

This was definitely not a response I expected from Mello. But I knew him well enough to gauge that if I didn't follow, I'd have to live without my precious specs. It was one thing for Mello to see me without them, hell he was my roommate, but for the rest of Wammy's? No. Fucking. Way.

I tilted my head to show that I was listening.

"The rules are simple," he continued, "whoever finds them first wins."

He laughed at the puzzled look at my face and then I saw him raise his arm. The world seemed to creep in utter slow motion as I flung myself at him, but I knew it was too late.

He threw my goggles out the window.

I scarcely had the time to turn and watch them land in a mound of raked leaves adjacent to the base of the crooked tree.

"Mello, you bastard!"

A loud slam from the door told me that I was already wasting time. Mello had a head start. My legs protested but I drove them out of our room. I didn't even apologize to Linda when I knocked her over in the hallway; although I remember her muttering something about how uncivilized it was to go around shoeless. I made a beeline from the front door to the tree, fueled by sheer anger and…what was this other feeling?

I quickly reached the gate that led to the west garden; it was still swinging from how violently Mello must have shoved it open. I immediately regretted that I was barefoot, because my heel connected with a jagged rock from the dirt path I was sprinting. I winced but didn't let my pace falter.

The tree was just around one more corner of Wammy's House…just a little further up. It was almost in my sight.

Mello was already there, holding something in his left fist. I was panting when I finally reached him.

My legs doubled underneath me. I wasn't really out of shape, but all those hours sitting in front of my video games hadn't aided me in a race against the blonde bombshell in front of me.

"Mell..Mello…You. Asshole." I managed to pant.

I didn't look up; I simply trained my eyes on the grass. Suddenly, I felt a cold plastic slide against my forehead and gentle hands adjusted the strap around my hair and eyes. Mello was leaning towards me with an innocent smile tugging the corners of his face.

"Oh don't look so surprised. I said if I won, I could do what I wanted with them, didn't I? And what I want is for you to wear them. You…just aren't quite my Matt without them."

My Matt. He said _my_ Matt. Sweet mother of Toad, he said _my Matt_. I couldn't even repress the shiver that vibrated through my whole body as his slender fingers slipped the last bit of plastic in place. I knew I was blushing so I closed my eyes to avoid his. From my heart to my toes, I felt a strange warmth spreading…spreading...spreading and I didn't want it to stop.

"I'm sorry; I know I'm an ass. Okay? But I had to do something to get you out of that room. You looked so damn depressed and I was afraid it was contagious."

I opened my eyes when I heard a crunch and rustle only to find…What. The. Hell?

There was Mello, sunlight reflecting off his perfect golden hair, his arms stretched wide and grinning like the godless bastard he was, no, grinning as if he was God himself…jumping in the freakin' leaves. That's when I realized he was just as barefoot as I was. Like a five year old, he curled his toes around the brown stiff leaves and let them shatter with a satisfying crunch.

"Are you just going to just stare, or are you going to join me? I did bring you out here for a reason you know."

I couldn't help myself. I really couldn't help myself. It felt so stupid, but the way Mello was grinning and the way my heart seemed to beat faster every time I looked at him…I was done fighting myself. Mello grabbed my hand and pulled me into the leaf pile where we started throwing leaves at each other, blowing them into each other's faces, crushing them into each other's hair, crunching them under our naked feet.

I was done fighting myself. Over the past few weeks, I'd been agonizing over my dreams, telling myself that whatever I was feeling was shameful and I needed to break it from my mind.

The moment Mello had said _my Matt_ though, everything changed. It was one thing to imagine him kissing me, caressing me, in love with me, because that was all in my head, but to hear him call me his, like he owned me…to hear him claim me with his own voice here and now and not in my dream world…

I was done fighting myself. Even if he didn't mean it that way, it was completely and irreversibly true. I was his simply because, without knowing it, I'd already given my heart to him. What reason did I have left to fight it? And even if it was a one-sided love, there was just something so freeing about it that made me feel even happier than the time I beat Twilight Princess in under 8 hours.

Even childishly playing in the leaves felt right, as long as I did with it with Mello.

I'm not sure how long we stayed, disturbing the masses of leaves under that tree. Mello didn't seem to mind and I was already forgetting my tension from the morning. I sat on a crook of the tree, watching Mello, reverting to my default calm, relaxed state. As stupidly childish and extreme as his little "game" had been, I think Mello secretly knew how therapeutic it would turn. Nothing could disturb this wonderful expression of our deep friendship. Nothing.

Except her.

"Meeeeeello! Maaaaatt!" shrieked a horribly familiar voice.

Great. Perfect. I swear I'm going to shoot that girl one of these days. Right through the voice box. No. First, I'm going to disembowel her teddy bear right before her eyes, and then I'm going to…

"I've been looking all over for you guys!" Linda chirped. "You sure picked the wrong day to play hooky during breakfast. You missed Roger's big announcement."

A side-glance at Mello let me catch him tense up. His hand released its captive leaf and let it float in a swaying pendulum motion before it reached the grass.

"When?" was all he could say, but the playful tone was all gone. Mello gave Linda a tell-me-when-L-is-going-to-be-here-or-my-fist-will-make-you-regret-it kind of glare.

"5 minutes. The drawing room. Come on! You don't want to miss it. I wonder what he looks like." Was her simple answer.

Mello had sprinted half the length of the west garden before Linda and I caught up with him. The eagerness in his eyes was simply electrifying. He thrust open the front door and nearly tripped over a robot toy that lay in the middle of the hallway. I think I heard him mutter 'Damn that Near' under his breath. When we all reached the drawing room, Mello calmly slipped his fingers around the doorknob and twisted it. A voice greeted us the moment we stepped onto the carpet of the already inhabited room.

"Hello children of Wammy's House. I think you are all fairly acquainted with my name. I am L."

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Thanks for reading. Review please :)


	3. Moments

White Chocolate Chapter 3: Moments

A/N: Holy Deku leaf on a sandwich! I just remembered I published this story on AdultFanfiction website too. Oops?

Oh this chapter makes me nervous. So many things going on! We meet Near for the first time. I'd really like to know what you guys think of him, because I can't help but feel that most people make him out to be this robotic sheep-tard (YES, I SAID SHEEP-TARD), and I find it highly illogical that Near could process Kira's emotions/tactical responses if he himself was incapable of empathy. ***me squirming under your gaze***

My inspiration for this chapter came from watching a segment by Little Kuriboh on Naruto the abridged series: "Why is everybody on this show a fucking ninja?"-great line. Well here we go…

* * *

It was nothing more than a computer with an aesthetic, yet ominous L centered on its screen, and somehow, that simple letter had shattered our world with more reality than our young minds cared for.

Roger closed the laptop and switched off the power button. The children seemed too dazed to move and a few of the younger ones were crying. General consternation dominated the room and the silence seemed to weigh on our legs, suffocating our resolve to rise from our curled positions on the carpet.

_SNAP!_

Every eye (except Near's; he seemed engrossed with a blank puzzle) turned to Mello, who remained perched by the window, completely unruffled. His eyes were closed and his face contorted into the most devilish smile, contrasting dramatically with his soft angel's hair. His fingers slowly undressed the chocolate bar in his grip, tearing the silver covering as indelicately as they could. A pink tongue wrapped around the topmost edges and dragged slowly, leaving saliva trails. How I'd love to trade my SNES Donkey Kong Country cartridge to be that bar of chocolate, to know how Mello's tongue would feel brushing against my… I snapped my knees together and hugged them close to my chest, desperate to conceal the sudden pressure that was building just below my zipper.

Mello snapped another chunk violently and let his eyes open slowly. They immediately darted in my direction and my heart seemed to beat painfully fast, until I realized that he wasn't looking at me, but directly passed me. I rotated my body a little to catch a glimpse of what had Mello so transfixed. Near sat, holding one leg to his cheek, a finger curled around his paper-white hair. The most intoxicating smile Near had ever expressed was playing at his lips, and his eyes shone defiantly, strikingly, unnaturally against his paper-doll skin and his snow-white pajamas. The smile was so unnatural because it wasn't one that was inherently Near's and the intensity left me gasping. It was beyond creepy because…once they locked eyes, Mello and Near seemed to mirror each other.

Linda couldn't seem to take the silence anymore, "So…that was the great L."

_Oh that did it_. That was the second time this morning she'd distracted me from my focus on Mello. Mr. Teddy, _I'm soooo coming for you later._

When minutes passed and no one answered her, she simply shrunk into her frame and even Roger remained oddly quiet. But I wasn't really paying attention to either Roger or Linda. My brain refused to stray too much from the unchartered space between the towhead to my left and the golden mane to my right.

Mello and Near were far from best friends, and no one was closer to Mello than I, but there was an undeniable…intimacy in the way they seemed to read each other that made me feel…not jealous, but…

Screw it. Yeah. I'm jealous. I admit it. Go suck a dick, see if I care.

Near blinked. Mello snarled.

What in Luigi's Mansion was I smoking? _Mello and Near?_ Roger would be the next L before that'd happen. I was being irrational again.

Yet, they really were scary with the whole mimic thing. Without so much as a glance to the floor, Near slipped the final piece of his puzzle into place, in exact rhythmic unison to Mello swallowing the final piece of his chocolate bar. I swear if telepathy existed outside of comic books, then Near and Mello had mastered the fuck out of it. Hell, Yoda would squirm under the death grips in those eyes.

But that's what their eyes spelled: death…malice…competition. Nothing more, nothing less. I really wanted a cigarette right there and then.

I blinked when a knock at the door beckoned Roger from his gargoyle stance. He opened it to an old man whose wrinkled face I recognized from the portrait that adorned the main sitting room. Wammy himself, the man who owned this house, the man who set his entire fortune and estate on the welfare of every child and teen in this room, quietly slipped a piece of paper in Roger's hand and walked right out again. Wow. That had been impressive._ NOT!_ I chuckled soundlessly though, because I seemed chained to the other children in our inexplicable vow of silence.

Roger smoothed the paper out, read it, and set us on our way, "L has ordered that classes be canceled for the rest of the day," some of the younger kids brightened at this, "and you will all employ your time in the recreation of your choice. However, any child caught studying today will…will be reprimanded. Understood? No locking yourselves in your bedrooms or the library. Today, is to enjoy yourselves."

A few people snickered at that last comment, which was obviously directed at Mello, and like that the silence was broken. We may still have been dazed a bit, but the prospect of a free day, in the middle of the week, was too good not to take full advantage of. Kids got up. Some laughed off the meeting, others were still avoiding meeting another's gaze.

Mello was at my side before I realized that I…couldn't quite stand just yet. I hadn't completely recovered from watching him molest that chocolate bar. When I didn't automatically follow him through the door, he threw his hands on the striped fabric of my shirt, roughly yanking me from the ground. My body immediately strained into an erect position. Unfortunately, I lost my footing and slipped sideways, clutching the nearest body to avoid kissing the floor. My face landed against a soft chest and I dug my nails into the person's shoulders to help straighten myself. I was fully staring at her face before I realized where my nose had only seconds ago been pushing against her…Damn. _Fuuuuuuuuck._ Holy Midna on a sandwich!

"What the hell Matt?" sneered her perfect rose-bud lips. Vy's long black hair framed her pale skin like bat-wings, sharp, and deadly like her brown eyes…She grabbed the hem of my collar and shoved me into Mello's arms.

Ah…Mello's arms. _Safety._ I turned my eyes to her, ready to apologize, until my eyes lingered over her soft, taut breasts...the softest scoops of vanilla peaking ever so slightly out from the robin's blue of her blouse.

Crap. Shit. Mouth, where are you?

Link, save me….my brain…does not compute. Does not. Does not.

"Uh…" I closed my fluttering eyelids, "Gondor Primulon"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? Mello, leash your little bitch would you? He sounds rabid."

"Matty, you're speaking in geek mode again." Mello was having a hard time concealing the amusement in his voice.

"Charmander! Char!" Translation: I want. Nicotine. NOW…

Mello had released me at that point and was clutching his ribs laughing.

Vy shot us a disgusted look and headed out the doorway, "You guys are freaks. Keep your hands to yourself next time, asshole."

Mello was still laughing when we'd gotten into the hallway. I know I was grinning stupidly, but it just felt nice to watch how his whole body ripple with laughter.

"I'm glad you're so nervous around girls, Matt. It makes for great entertainment."

"Shut up Mello-drama," I socked him lightly on the shoulder. He hated being called 'Mello-drama.' I immediately regretted it when he tackled my tummy. I'm highly ticklish; it's my third greatest weakness, and Mello never loses a chance to use it against me.

"No..haha..Uh….ah…ahhaha…Uncle! Uncle!"

When we were once again in the safety of our shared room, Mello began rummaging through the desk drawer on his side. I pulled my DS off of its charger and slid it into my pocket. I was at the window with a cigarette dangling from my lips, looking out towards that crooked tree. I had concocted an elaborate plan to hold Linda's teddy bear hostage, when Mello slammed his drawer violently against the wall. I looked up to see his fingers curl into balled fists. Ah, h_e was out again._

"Let's go raid the cupboards."

"You know how we're not allowed in the kitchen, Mello. You might take a butcher knife under the pretense that Near needs a new haircut."

A wrapper hit me mercilessly on the head. Then a textbook flew by me, barely missing my ear, and made a pathetic thud after skimming the edge of the window. I couldn't dodge the pillow he threw at me but at least it was soft.

"Screw the rules, I need chocolate." He growled.

My eyes narrowed, Mello without chocolate was dangerous, but he was kind of cute the way he pouted when he was mad. I threw the pillow back, "You abuse me and then expect me to follow you around at your every whim. What am I? Your dog?"

Maybe I shouldn't have said that. Images of myself with a collar around my neck, Mello pulling at the leash, started flashing in my imagination. Agh! This wasn't the time to start questioning whether or not I had a bondage fetish.

Not that I really expected him to play along if I did though.

He cocked his head to one side, and looked at me curiously, and scrunched his brow in mock concentration. "Well, dogs are supposed to be man's 'best friend.' You're my best friend, and you do kind of follow me everywhere like a puppy. And you're so loyal to me." He was only inches from me now, "I could ask Roger to install a doggie door on our room."

"You have some nerve, jackass," I turned away. I wasn't really mad, but it was fun to milk it sometimes.

Mello must really have been desperate for some cocoa-goodness though or he wouldn't have offered to do whatever I wanted for the rest of the day in exchange for indulging him.

We sneaked our way to the kitchen, careful to avoid Roger. We were supposed to be, _ahem_, employing our time to the recreation of our choice, but I doubted our method of securing snacks was high on Roger's list of acceptable pass-times. To make conversation, I ventured to ask Mello about 'meeting L.'

When I thought back to this morning and our encounter with L…disappointment wasn't sufficient to describe how crestfallen nearly all the students had been. Personally, I thought the whole scrambled voice through a laptop was pretty lame, I mean, if it was me, I'd push for that whole Darth Vader heaving breathing gig…

Mello, on the other hand, seemed reluctant to speak about it. He just kept grinning like the Cheshire Cat. For once, he had trouble articulating his feelings.

"I've finally found someone…worthy of my respect, Matt."

The gravity of Mello's words weren't lost on me. To Mello, admitting that he respected L, was a whole new level of worship, because it meant that 'L' was not simply a goal, a place hold, a quantifiable standard of achievement…It made L…human and flawed. It shifted Mello's goal from the impossible: wanting to be L. No…Mello didn't want to be L. He wanted to be equal to L, and perhaps surpass him. That was the difference.

I was picking the lock to the kitchen and Mello was rapping impatiently on the floor with his foot. I laughed internally when I realized he was still barefoot. CLICK. I withdrew my makeshift piano wire lock pick from the frail lock and we pushed open the double doors. Neither of us expected the room to be less than empty…

A rather pale teenager was hunched over the white marble kitchen counter. He looked tall, but his posture was so crooked at the shoulders that his body seemed to be rejecting a few inches of height. He didn't even glance up from the strawberry shortcake that was disappearing with every forkful to his mouth. Mello and I stood there, speechless, while the jean-clad stranger ate and turned to face us with the blankest stare I've ever been held under. His eyes were deep, enigmatic pools of nothingness, bent on swallowing me and every thought that had ever consumed me. He might have looked menacing, but the heavy bags of his panda eyes seemed to bring the slightest human element to his otherwise deathly pale skin. Against the jet cobalt of his hair his face was too pale, and yet, there was a kind of confidence that resonated from his being...

The cake having been devoured, he analyzed us curiously. He didn't have to say a word. We didn't have to say a word. It was just so deeply understood that the young man before us was L. How could it have been otherwise? I wanted to shout at Mello who was next to me, to look at him, and see his reaction, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from…away from L.

He simply walked up to us, and pressed a finger to his lip, not that any of us had made a single noise even in breathing, and walked right past us and out into the hallway. We didn't follow him. We didn't speak. We simply…existed.

I wasn't even aware when Mello recalled the reason for coming to the kitchen's in the first place, but I was amused by the amount of chocolate he stuffed into his jeans pocket. How he fit them all was a damn mystery…

I remember looking at Mello, trying to read his reaction in his eyes, but the moment I looked at him he simply shook his head. L had silently asked us to ignore his presence, and Mello was going to keep to that even if he died from trying suppress his own loquaciousness.

The rest of the day passed relatively uneventful. As promised, Mello did exactly as I wanted, and seemed all too happy to comply with my plan to decapitate Linda's bear.

When I crawled into bed that night, slipping my goggles onto the desk at the foot of my bed, I let myself smile at the thought of Linda's horrified face when she discovers what Mello and I did. I let my mind linger on the disappointment of our computer meeting with L…and then the near holy grail of actually seeing him. Well there was no way to be 100% sure it was L, but we had no students of his appearance nor did we take strangers into our institution. It was the logical conclusion that Mello and I did not bring to conversation.

I was…happy as I let my eyelids droop of their own accord. I wasn't going to be able to play my DS underneath the covers tonight…the screen was already making me sleepy. I turned to see Mello already sleeping, his breathe in a regular rhythm across the room. _So I'm your dog, am I?_...My eyes couldn't stay open much longer…

* * *

_I was vaguely aware that my arms and feet were bound to some hard surface, yet I was in a standing position…In front of me was a statue._

_Even though the distance rendered its features obscure, I knew that the statue was Mello. It was life-sized, and built entirely out of chocolate. Not only was I staring at a giant edible Mello, but the statue was adorned in a leather. Gloves, vest, pants, all of it like a wrapper on the delectable statue of my sex god._

_I turned to my right when I felt a hot pant of breath against my neck. It was the real Mello. He looked at me and traced edge of my face with one of his long fingers. Then he slipped the goggles off my head and placed them on the statue of himself. His hands began to roam the statue, and his tongue vigorously wrapped around Chocolate Mello's cheeks._

_His fingers began to disrobe the statue, teasing the garments off. It was simply erotic to watch him lick at the nipples, agonizingly slow, moaning and shivering. When his hands found their way to the leather ties on the statues pants, he grabbed at the pulls with this teeth before pulling the dark fabric to the floor. Mello leaned in and put his mouth around the erect member of his chocolate doppelganger…_

_I'm not sure how hard I must have been shaking, but my arms ripped the cords that bound me. My wrists stung from rope burn, but I managed to untie my feet and thrust myself in Mello's direction. He had removed all his clothes during my struggle, and was hiding behind the statue head drooped over the shoulder, legs wrapped, sexily around the torso, and the soft pink touches of blush on his cheeks. I touched my fingers against his cheek, wanting to savor the blush…and he slipped that tongue between my fingers, the friction sending shockwaves to my brain…and then he was all over me. Or as much as our chocolate barrier would allow…._

I sat up, panting, trying to savor the feeling of Mello's tongue swirling around my belly button…  
And I headed to the bathroom, slipping one hand into my boxers and opening the door with the other.

* * *

A/N: So Matt says "Gondor Primulon"...anybody get the reference? I'd be uber happeh if you did/

So next chapter is exciting guys…we get to see their first kiss of some budding puppy love! Whoo!

By the way, am I the only one who thought MelloXMello was arousing?

And I'm SORRY if you wanted more "L action" I just happen to love the ambiguity of it all. XD

Thank you so much, Readers, you are all awesomesauce. Can I haz review plz? :O


	4. Mr Teddy

Chapter 4: Mr. Teddy

A/N: The only thing I own right now is your attention span. :P

* * *

Stripes. Red and white stripes. They belonged on my arms, my torso, around my neck, my waist, my hips... My stripes. My trademark. Nearly every shirt I own is striped: white with black, white with orange, green with orange, red with blue...interlocking grays with more gray... I love my stripes.

But I'll be damned if I was going to wear them on my _legs_!

I held the cursed garment as far from my face as my arms would stretch and I just looked up at her questioningly. Linda simply let her hand fall to her hip, her eyes emotionless marbles as she pointed to the 'dressing room'. The rest of my 'costume' was in there, presumably.

"Linda, these aren't even pants! I think toilet paper has more texture! How are these supposed to even cover my boxers?"

She rolled her steely eyes and just shook her head, "They're called tights, Matt, and they go under your skirt. I don't care how you put them on. Go commando for all I care, just hurry up! I need you in make-up ASAP!"

An audible groan escaped my lips. My legs trudged towards a few make-shift partitions that served as a changing station. I rationalized running out the door, cursing myself for being here in the first place. _Maybe if I just bolt when she's not looking..._

I sighed, moved behind one of the partitions, and sat down on a chair, my head weighing dejectedly on my hands. _Matt, you're a coward._ A piece of long blue fabric caught my eye and I ruffled the dress out of its hanger on the wall. It looked limp as I threw it on the chair and slid my jeans to the floor. That idiot, Roger...couldn't he have just taken my laptop away? My cigarettes? Yes, I'd rather eschew nicotine than endure this. Surely nothing merited this sadistic brand of fucked up humiliation…

I closed my eyes, daring to face why I was spending my perfectly good Saturday in a spare classroom, suiting myself up like a queer, when my video games lay collecting dust in my room. My room…with Mello. I bit my lip, recalling exactly why I was here, suffering this demonic twist of fate...

It had just been a teddy bear. A stupid, little, stuffed play thing. Near broke his toys all the time and didn't cry over them. We'd have our laugh and she'd get over it, right? I mean how serious of a grudge could a girl hold?

_Very serious_, as it turned out. Linda wouldn't even look at Mello or me as we sat in Roger's office, waiting for our death sentence as she cradled the body of her mangled teddy bear.

Roger had looked at us with a strange sadness in his eyes, "I'm sure you know why you're here, boys. I don't know why or how you did this, but stealing and destroying other people's belongings is wrong. This is very serious, indeed."

Mello tried to push Roger's eyes away with his mock-innocence impression, "Why Roger, while Matt and I regret that Linda's little bear was…violated, I am shocked that the finger of blame has been directed at us. Why must you assume that whenever mischief comes to light, I had any kind of hand in it?" He let his lip quiver slightly, as his pupils dilated from not blinking. Yeah, he liked to lay the honey on sometimes. Usually, it worked.

Roger simply sighed and revealed the immolated butt of a cigarette, "Actually, Mello, you are not the one being accused here. Matt, as you know, you are the only child here who smokes, and since we have not been able to cure you from the habit you brought with you from your previous life, we have allowed you to continue it in moderation. This," he indicated the cigarette bud, "was found on the floor of Linda's room, next to her shelf where she keeps her Teddy bear."

When it became apparent that neither Mello nor I were going to comment, he continued his accusation, "What do you have to say for yourself Matt? As neither Linda nor India can vouch for letting you into their shared room, this piece of evidence should suffice as proof of your presence there. Do you admit to the deed now?"

Mello had tried to divert the blame to himself. He even told Roger that he'd coerced me by force to follow his plan, but Roger wanted nothing of the explanation. In fact, every time Mello had defended me, Roger seemed filled with more anger. Our punishment, however, was completely uncalled for.

"Since you seem to be such a bad influence on Matt, I feel sufficient need to separate the two of you permanently. Mello, as of today, you will cease to have roommates. Matt, I shall place you with someone of a less mischievous nature. I'm sure you and Near might exchange some positive social skills…"

Mello had nearly cussed Roger into the next century by the time I had realized the gravity of those words. I was going to lose Mello. I was going to be alone. No, I was going to be _worse than alone_…Roger was sending me to the enemy. I was going to lose the only friend I'd ever had, and just when I'd realize exactly how much he really meant to me…

You can imagine how surprised I was when Linda threw her voice over Mello's.

"STOP!" She looked timid from her own outburst, but she had also stood her ground, "Roger…I feel very sad right now. I thought Matt and Mello were my friends."

Somehow, I didn't think the way she clutched the fluffy brown remains of that bear quite as pathetic as when we'd walked in, "In a way, I'd still like to believe that, but even if they aren't, I…if I feel this bad from losing Mr. Snuggle…I can't imagine being separated from a best friend."

She wiped the fresh tears from her eyes, "Please…let me…choose the punishment. Please, let me try…to fix things."

Her voice was so sad and frail that I don't think Roger would have agreed otherwise. Mello sat down, when Roger agreed to listen to Linda's idea. What she said, shocked all of us.

"I…I would rather have it that Matt learned to be sensitive to other people's feelings, so that he will never do anything like this again. Roger, please, can Matt attend this year's Rose Tea?" She had gained courage with every word, "He will dress appropriately and abide by the etiquette of the Rose Tea. I think…I think the girls and I can break him into a much more caring person."

I can still recall how Roger's lips had twitched slightly into a half smile at her words, "Is this…really what you want, Linda. Alright. I leave it in your charge."

Mello had simply laughed. "What? You want us to wear dresses and sip tea and eat finger sandwiches? What the hell kind of idea is that?"

But Linda had shook her head, "No, Mello. You and Matt cause too much trouble together. Matt will come to the Rose Tea alone, and you will not be allowed to come. Being alone for a day, with no one to boost your inflated ego, should be punishment enough for you."

And that's what had settled it. Roger had agreed to let Linda handle our punishment, and I was sitting here on this god forsaken chair, pulling a blue dress over my head, because coming to this stupid tea party was the only alternative to _losing Mello_.

The annual Rose Tea is a Wammy's House tradition. It's like some stupid thing that Roger came up with when he thought us orphans needed more 'culture' in their lives. Every autumn, the girls get together and wear funny laced-up frilly dresses, eat little cakes, talk in a funny proper dialect while they drink tea together. Boys aren't allowed into this circle, because we aren't deemed mature enough, nor interested enough, to actually attend. Hell, we have our own celebration and a poker tournament, so who the hell would want to go their little prissy party anyways?

But that's exactly where I found myself, in the middle of their little fucked up prissy party. At least Mello won't see me in this ridiculous apron and…_holy fuck is that a bonnet on that hanger_? Girls, are _not cute_. Girls are demons who wear pink.

I walked out of the partition, wearing the 'costume' and desperately wanting some underwear under those…tights, as Linda had called them. Fuck they sure were tight…damn uncomfortable too. I kept my black low tops on, since Linda didn't think Converse were too inappropriate for the outfit.

Linda was there, emptying the contents of a makeup bag on the little table across the room. India, her roommate, was seated daintily on a chair next to her. I crooked my head a bit looking at her. India could easily have been confused with an oversized porcelain doll. Her expression was blank and glassy like a creepy doll. She was dressed a puff and frilly, yet feminine and delicate dress, with lace gloves and bows that complemented her curly brown locks. Yup it was creepy...an image that didn't really fit the little girl. She was one of those nearly invisibly kids who never caused fights with other Wammy's children. Actually, she never spoke at all. As far as anyone knew, only Linda ever heard her make a sound and that was just stuff she mumbled the day she arrived. She kept to herself mostly, and was sometimes teased for being Roger's pet because he studied her selective mutism. She was the reason that everyone here is forced to learn sign language but even then, she's not great at communication. Oddly though, I think Near might be soft on her; he has a puppet that looks suspiciously like her and when Mello tried to steal it, he held my Gameboy hostage until he got it back.

Linda touched my goggles in irritation but I instinctively brushed her hand off, "No, Linda. You can make me do whatever the fuck you have planned, but I am NOT taking off my goggles!"

India simply nodded to her and they got started. She looked disappointed, but Linda seemed to sense that my goggles weren't moving and no force could make them.

I sat wordlessly as India and Linda smeared this strange smelling liquid on my face and touched all kinds of weird brushes to these little bowls of goo and back to my face again. I was squirming too much for Linda, but India's infinite patience kept her hand steady with work until both girls were satisfied with progress. I said nothing during the whole 20 minutes I sat there, because I knew if I opened my mouth…I would cry.

Linda got up abruptly and walked towards the door, "India, let's go to Vy's room, she has a curling iron we can borrow."

"What? You're going to curl my hair? Linda! Wait!" She was already out of the room. Seriously, how much of this crap was really necessary?

India bowed to me, apologizing for Linda's abruptness, and skipped out the door as well. I ventured to pick up the hand-mirror from the table, willing myself to look at the reflection. And I dropped the mirror immediately, because I looked like a _goomba-sucking drag queen_.

I simply gaped at the table, wishing I could merge with it all its splintered glory.

A small click told me that the door was opening. _Shit, the girls were back_. I let my face fall to the table, my goggles pressing uncomfortably against my eyelashes.

"Hey Raggedy Anne. I thought you could use a smoke to calm your nerves before they turn you into a complete pussy."

The voice wasn't Linda's. Even if I didn't dream every night about that voice moaning in my ear, I would have recognized Mello's sound simply from its teasing tone.

I looked up automatically, I mean the guy's voice demanded attention. My cheeks grew hot, remembering how ridiculous I looked, and how Mello would never let me live through the embarrassment._ I've lived a good life, haven't I?_ Well I might have liked making it to my thirteenth birthday…

One look into his eyes, and all my thoughts scattered. I expected him to laugh. I anticipated a mocking scowl and teasing. I was sure he was going to try and soak in all he could, as blackmail ammunition.

I didn't expect his jaw to slack_ that_ way…

Mello simply, _stared_. It wasn't just that he was looking at me so much as he was _looking_ at me. I mean his eyes simply went over every little curve and flaw on me. Damn I want a warp tunnel pipe!

Without that curious gaze leaving his eyes, he sat down next to me, placing a white box on the table. Oh thank ye mighty Gods of Hyrule, Mello had my nicotine!

I picked up the box. Damn, no lighter. Oh well, he can't think of everything. Suddenly, I felt kind of happy. As embarrassing as it was to be seen in this…abomination of an _ahem_, dress, Mello had come to bring me a bit of comfort, so maybe I should stop feeling scared shitless?

I smiled despite myself. _Shit._ He was still looking at me in that intense way.

"Well I can see they didn't manage to get your goggles off. That's a relief. Now I don't have to worry about you contracting some weird eye disease."

I nearly fell off the chair, "Eye disease? What the heck are you talking about?"

Mello picked up a little bottle of black from the table, twisting the cap off to reveal a thin brush full of ink, "This," he said with authority, "is liquid eyeliner."

"Ummn…" I simply stared at him.

Mello rolled his eyes and explained, "Bacteria lives in liquid and creams, dipshit, but not in powder. Sharing makeup is dirty and you can get flesh-eating diseases that way. Well, only if you share stuff like this." He shook the little bottle after recapping it and replaced it on the table.

"You mean I could die from this shit?" My eyes must have dilated from shock.

He laughed and shook his head, "No. They didn't manage to put anything on your eyes with those goggles on." He smiled weakly, "Too bad. You might look pretty with some."

It was my turn to stare at Mello. "What?"

It was simply breath-taking how laughter rolled through his chest and vibrated into a humming smile at his lips, "Damn Matt, you are simply too easy to josh."

Mello picked up a strange looking brush that had thin slanted bristles, almost angular, and twirled it between his forefingers, "Actually, I do know how it all works. They put too much blush on you, by the way."

He picked up a small bottle of baby oil from the table and dabbed a little on a tissue then rubbed it against my cheeks. Those are ninja hands I tell you!

"My mother…" he smiled a little bitterly, "when I was really little, I was always fascinated watching her put her make-up on in the morning. Eventually she taught me how, so I was able to 'make her beautiful' as she called it."

He picked up a large puffy brush and dipped it in a small pink dish, dabbing the brush's tip to my cheeks, sending a strange tingling through me. Wait. _Wait one Kamek-fucking minute!_

"Mello," not that I wanted him to stop, but seriously, kick-ass Mello putting blush on my cheeks? This had to be apocalypse, "what the hell are you doing?"

"Hmmn?" he looked a little distracted, "Sorry Matty. I was just…remembering. Hey, can I put some eyeliner on you? Not the liquid stuff, I know a hygienic way to do it."

Before I could even answer, his fingers were tugging at the rubber strap of my goggles, lifting them over my eyes. My brain fizzled at the touches against my face. He pulled that funny angled brush across a small container of black powder and told me to close my eyes. I felt the bristles lick my lids, and I let out a sigh of pleasure. This was too fucking strange for words, but damn it felt good.

"Look up Matt and don't blink."

Oh. My. God.

I opened my eyes to the deep penetrating oceans of Mello's eyes, only two inches from my nose. I stiffened. God those were beautiful eyes. I could feel his steady breathing against my cheek as he slid the brush on my lower eyelid. It tickled, but damn I was too distracted by the mere proximity of Mello to really give a shi—

"Whoa what's going on in here?" Linda's voice came crashing like a thousand needles to Mello's hand.

He slipped his hand away from my face, but as I was also startled by her voice I had shuddered forward as he had leaned forward. Mello's teeth crashed painfully onto mine, sending our hands immediately to our mouths. It felt like my mouth was ringing and my gums smarted something fierce. I closed my eyes, my hand tightly clamped over my lips…lips that Mello's had brushed against. It wasn't on purpose, and if my dental nerves were in pain, I'm sure his were too…but, damn. Our lips had brushed all the same.

"Fuck. Linda, what the hell did you surprise us for? I could have poked Matt's eye out."

He had turned completely on her, and was yelling at her for walking in so abruptly like that. I ran my tongue across my teeth. Chipped. Yes, definitely a chip on the left front tooth.

I suddenly became aware of the three pairs of eyes on me. Mello, India, and Linda were looking at me curiously. Mello looked pissed, but he was staring at me just as curiously as the girls.

"Wow. Mello, did you do that?" Linda's eyes were wide, "You did a better job than either India or I did. How?"

Her voice was in soft reverence of, I realized, _my face_. I consciously realized that Mello had slid my goggles up, so I yanked them down hard, but I knew the damage had already been done. Fuck. Fuck. _Fuck_. Yes, Linda had seen my eyes before, but only briefly, and certainly no one ever got to stare at them. And now she and India had seen Epona-knows-what emotions in my green marbles. Fucking shit damn it. These are my chaos emeralds, bitches. Hands off! Girls are demons. In PINK.

"Stop! Just, stop fucking fussing over me, okay!" I growled at the lot of them. Mello got up and abruptly left the room.

"Wait! Mello, wait…" Linda's hand stopped me. I shoved it off and wrenched the door open, but Mello wasn't in the hallway, and I wasn't really for the idea of running around in this god-forsaken dress.

"What happened in here? Matt, when we came in, it looked almost as if you two were…your faces were so close. I mean you were practically…And your make-up! Did Mello really do that?"

"Linda," I said icily, "I am wearing this damned dress and this fucking make-up. I will attend your damned little tea party. I will be polite and do whatever the else you fucking tell me, but after this punishment is over, I am never fucking talking you again!"

She shrunk into herself, tears forming at the corners of her eyes. Linda let her hands fall to the sides of her fluffy dress and India simply held her, not really looking in my direction. Linda didn't push the curling iron thing after my outburst. When both girls with satisfied with their own appearances as well as my own, we headed towards the room where all the other girls were gathering. A large banner over the door said 'Wammy's Rose Tea'.

My mouth grew incredibly dry as India opened the door for us to step inside.

* * *

What happened over the next four hours, you will never get from my lips. Not even if you break all my videogames, my laptop, and take away my cigarettes. What happened behind those doors on that day, is the single-most traumatizing act of human sadism in the history of mankind. Girls…devils…same difference in my book.

When I finally escaped their world of frills, pink, cookies, and nauseating etiquette, I clawed the door of my bedroom open. Exhausted, I flung myself at my bed. Mello was already there, reading a book by lamplight, since the sun goes down pretty early this late in the year.

"So how'd it go?"

I ignored him, choosing instead to dig my fingernails into my pillow.

"Matt you can't go to sleep like that. At least wash the make-up off and change."

When I still hadn't responded, Mello tugged me into an upright position. His eyes were sad and gentle, not the kind you could simply be mad at.

"C'mon you big baby." he said in a soft, empathetic voice. At least he wasn't going to make me tell him about the tea party. I'd suffered enough for today as it was.

I followed him to the restroom where we spent nearly half an hour rubbing all the color away from my face. It was so strange, this day. Everything sucked and harmonized all at once, because no matter how humiliating anything seemed, Mello shined the one candle in my unlit hallway.

When we were finished I followed Mello out of the bathroom. He sat back down on his bed, pulling the forgotten book into his lap and snapping a chocolate bar with his teeth. I winced at the sound, remembering how in the last hours, to my horror I'd discovered a new sensitivity in my newly chipped tooth towards any kind of sugar. Mello didn't miss my flinch.

"You alright, Matt?"

I explained to him what had happened, blushing with the recollection of how my tooth had chipped. Mello seemed rather concerned on the point of my chipped tooth and demanded to see it. He crossed the room, turning on my bedside lamp and sitting next to me, leaning my head back with his hands. I shuddered as I bared my lips a little for his inspection.

One hand decided to rest on my cheek, with a few of his slender fingers propping my lips apart. Simple light touches, but I was already rather uncomfortable in my, ahem, southern area. So when Mello rubbed his thumb against my lip, I was desperately fighting going hard. I didn't even notice how close his breathe was to mine until I smelled the chocolate on his lips. He sure was looking close…was the chip that small?

And suddenly, it happened. His lips felt like butterfly wings, gently brushing mine in such a tender peck that it sent shivers down my entire body. I leaned into him, adding a little more pressure to it. The fingers that had been brushing my lips suddenly stroked the soft locks of my auburn head and instinctively I put my arm around his neck.

That was the wrong move.

Mello abruptly stiffened. And opened his eyes. Where a serene smile had played on his lips only moments before, there was simply the gaped opened mouth of shock. His eyes went through such a change in expression, from shock to extreme horror as he realized exactly what had just passed between us. He practically flung his body at the bathroom. It took me a moment to overcome my own shock, but I immediately ran to the door.

I could hear Mello retching into the toilet.

"Mello!" My fists were banging on the door, clenched so tightly against the wooden frame that I scraped the skin from my knuckles. "Open the door, damnit!"

I didn't stop banging and my voice kept going. I don't know when I started crying, but half choking on my own sobs I tried begging him to open the door, to let me in, to let me explain…to just…anything but this.

I was on the floor, my face pressed against my arms while my fingers clutched the doorknob. In my desperation to talk to Mello, I hadn't peeled off the stupid dress and other costume shit, so leaning on the door for support, I pulled the damn fabric over my head and stripped to my birthday suit. Haphazardly I pulled some boxers and a fleece pair of pants from my drawer and put them on under a cotton shirt. I went back to my post, relieved to hear silence. At least he stopped throwing up.

But the thing is…_he had been throwing up_, and I had caused it. Was I…am I that _disgusting_? I was still crying, but now it wasn't so much for fear of his health as it was for…this heaving pain in my chest. It felt like someone was taking a piece of ice and pressing it on my heart; the pain was sharp, acute, and burned in the most depressing throbbing rhythm. Mello probably didn't want to be friends with me after this…

_But he was the one that kissed you, Matt_. I tried to ignore the little voice in the back of my head. I tried, but I'm a terrible liar, even to myself. Why Mello has ever believed one of my mistruths, I don't think I'll ever know, because I sure as hell am not going to admit that I've been lying to him about anything! All the same, nothing made sense anymore.

"Mels, please tell me that you're okay?" my voice was the king of cues; Mello began throwing up at the mere sound.

When his stomach had calmed again, I heard the sink water running. I could almost see the way his hand would have twisted the knob for it to open. In reality, I wanted to be the water splashing against his face, washing away the pain and confusion in his perfect azure eyes.

"Matt," he whispered, the word tumbling softly through the door, but I couldn't gloss over the emotions that cut deep into my soul—pain, disgust, fear.

"Mel?" I managed to squeak back, my voice hardly above a tremble.

I could hear the shuddering in his voice, the weak crack from fallen tears, "Matt."

Dead silence.

And then, the most horrible words I've ever heard crashed through me, despite them having been uttered in a whisper, "Just…Leave. Go away damnit. Don't even fucking look back when you go. I don't ever want…"

The final part came so choked out, I could only ear the words, "Ever again."

He probably tried to say 'I don't ever want to see you again.'

I am so fucked right now. Because I'm a monster…

I grabbed my pillow, blanket, lighter, and 3 packs of cigarettes from my bedside drawer. Half-dazed, partially numb, and in more pain than I could ever remember, I made way towards the library, where I found an empty beanbag chair. I hugged it close and forced myself into what I hoped would be a dreamless sleep.

So you can imagine the audacity of whoever had the fuckin' idea to run their fingers through my hair. _I'm going to maul the son of a bitch who's touching me._

Intent on murder, my eyes shot open dangerously, only for me to cry out in shock.

"Mmmph."

A tiny bit of moonlight washed over the black enigmatic marbles that drained all my attention. With one hand he covered my mouth, stifling any further noise that could escape my lips, and with the other hand he held a long pale finger over his lips.

Squatting low to the floor, yet still hovering over me, L removed his hand from my mouth and whispered, "Come."

* * *

A/N: Oh man the humor and drama in this chapter has me pulling at the strands of my hair. So that was the first kiss! NOT what you were expecting now, was it? They both kinda went to sleep crying. So sad. But also soooo necessary. Yeah. I had soo much fun with this chapter though. Please leave me a review :D

Also...the first time I published this, there was a very negative reaction to Mello. How could be such an asshole ect...I thought this was a love story? So for the next chapter and ONLY the next chapter, I wrote a Mello POV to explain what was going on here. It's not necessary to have a Mello POV chapter for the story to go along and make sense but people were mad at me so I did anyway.


	5. Second Discovery

Chapter 5: Second Discovery

A/N: Please read this VERY important author's note:

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER IS IN MELLO POV

Okay so I got so many reactions to ch 4 along the lines of "why was Mello such a douche-bag?" And I feel like I owe you guys an explanation. No actually, fuck it, that's a lie, I just felt like teasing the hell out of you by prolonging the denouement to cruel cliffhanger from last chapter. And also creating another one.**evil grin** By the way, did I mention that Matt's not in this chapter? Or that it's in Mello POV? Yes, I decided to take a break from the normal story progression…so I guess you can call this Chapter 4.5? Next chapter is the "real" one…but I was just too tempted to write this one, so yeah, don't shoot me.

* * *

I heard the outer door slam and I knew he was gone. I was clutching the knob to the bathroom door, trying to support my body, but I think I was really close to dropping to floor; my legs felt near collapse and I was shaking uncontrollably.

I turned the doorknob and nearly spilled into the bedroom…our bedroom…the bedroom I shared with Matt. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. FUCKING SHIT it burns! My chest, it burns! It fucking sears! I can barely see, my eyes are so damn fucking puffy. Damn it! Where's my chocolate?

I ripped open a drawer and fumbled to pull out some pieces of my one true comfort in this world. The wrapper discarded, I attacked the bar in hand, allowing my body to fall to the floor with all the force of my pain.

Damn it Matt…I'm so sorry. I am so utterly sorry. God, I am so fucked right now…I…I…Damn it all.

The room blurred a bit through the fresh moisture in my eyes…

I stared at my hands….I'm a monster…plain and simple. A monster.

Why Matt, damn it? Of all people…why did he have to have eyes like hers? Fate is some ironic bastard. He certainly can't screw me over more than I already am…

"FUCK!" I thrust my fist into my bedpost, drawing blood as I pulled my hand away…but I swear it felt like a paper cut next to the swelling lump in my throat.

It was so…unconscious of me. I don't think I was even thinking when I did it. No…I wasn't thinking. I was remembering…remembering a different face with those same eyes.

Because when I look into Matt's eyes, I can see my mother. I can see the vibrant web of life reflected in the deep recesses of soul…the same sparkle was in her eyes the last time I saw her smiling face.

That's why I couldn't bear to see the look in his eyes after we, no, not "we"…after I…after I…I…

After I took advantage of my best friend. I'm worse than fucked. I'm like a damned predator. A monster.

The way he just looked at me. I swear I wanted to rip my heart out, rather than remember…because the eyes were the same. The same piercing green orbs that never ended…at least, I never wanted them to end. The warm eyes that wrapped around me in such utter safety, whispering me to sleep at night, cajoling the very breath from me.

I breathed in heavily, biting into my 4th chocolate…not even tasting it anymore.

It was a car crash. We went over the side of the road, into the river below. She couldn't unbuckle her seat belt…She pushed me out the window, but she couldn't get out of her own seatbelt…I was six years old, standing wet on the side of the road, watching the paramedics drape a white sheet over her cold, lifeless eyes…her blank but pleading eyes.

I never want to see those eyes in pain again, ever. I'm thankful that Matt always wears those goggles of his, because I lose all sense of reality under that gaze. Well, I guess I'm a little sadistic because sometimes I like to see them…I feel at home in Matt's eyes.

But not tonight. Not the way he looked at me. I think I felt my heart hitch in my throat as his pupils dilated, filled with utter shock and fear. It was like looking in her dead eyes…her scared pleading confusion. And I never want to remember that look, ever. So when Matt looked at me with those eyes (I swear, I lose all sense of reason under their command), the memories I've kept chained in the dark depths of my mind…they surfaced. I couldn't shove them away this time… But even then, there's no excuse for me.

Because I'm a monster. And a damned coward.

My best friend…my only friend. I'm just a sick bastard, aren't I? I glanced up to his bed to see the blanket and pillow gone. At least he's not cold wherever he is out there…

I felt a strong pang of guilt for throwing him out like I did. A real friend would go out and find him…but an even better one wouldn't have kicked him out in the first place. Matt didn't deserve this. He hadn't done a thing. This was all my fault…stupid loyal puppy, he's so damn good to me even when I'm beating him down.

I saw a bit of blue poking out from the other side of the bed and I plucked it from its hiding place. It was the dress that he'd worn to the Rose Tea; scattered on the floor were the remnants of accessories. My guilt jar exploded. By wearing this thing, Matt had proved just how much our friendship mattered to him. What an ass I am…after all, he went through this just so we could stay together…and I fucking screwed things up. He probably never wants to be my friend ever again…

I hugged the fabric lightly to my chest…just a little bit…It smelled like a cheaply perfumed ashtray. I smiled involuntarily. He really did look cute in all the frills and tresses. I bet Matt was the prettiest one there, with his auburn hair tucked neatly under the mini-bonnet, in stark contrast to the pale radiance of his smooth milky skin. I remember how the dress hugged his waist, teasing out the curves of hips, while the ruffles framed his knees and the stripes accentuated his slender legs, almost seducti-HOLY SHIT.

The dress fell limply from my hands.

"Matt is not girl." I managed to whisper to myself before my jaw slacked a few inches.

I stared at the items on the floor, trying to reason what I almost…okay damn it, what I wasthinking. I sat on the edge of his bed, staring at the white sheets, utter disbelief tugging at every corner of my mind.

Suddenly, I wasn't so sure of why I had kissed him. It was because I had been thinking of my mother, wasn't it? It was a reflex. A fucking reflex! Wasn't it?

I bit my lip. Hard. Shakily, I lifted a finger to my lips, recalling the pressure and the electric surge that seemed to flow from Matt when I brushed against him. His lips were like fire, burning into my skin…

Crap.

This isn't how I'm supposed to be feeling…

* * *

A/N: Awww…Well I for one, think Mello's being ridiculously cute. *

Anyhow, next chapter we go back to Matty's POV. Don't be expecting any more Mello POV's, this one was just so freaking necessary that I had to indulge myself. And we have the reincarnation of Mr. Snuggles.

Oh yeah, someone asked me so I DO feel obligated to say this: Mello is 13 and Matt is 12. For now…Oh don't look at me that way…I was already having erotic fantasies at 8 years-old, XD.

So what did y'all think? Feedback appreciated. :D


	6. Confession

Chapter 6: Confession (back to Matt POV)

A/N: I'd like to say a special thank you to the silent readers. Yep, all you out there who don't review, fave, or subscribe. You guys are just as important to me as the more vocal readers. :D Thank you for reading my story. I mean, sure reviews are nice, but I don't write this story for anybody but myself. Yep that's right. I write for me, and then I publish for YOU. But it makes me feel so go just to know that you ARE there, you total strangers, reading the perversions of my twisted mind. Haha

* * *

The moon was streaming lazily through the slits between the closed blinds and the window's pane. Only 3 hours had passed since L brought me from the library into this unoccupied hallway where we sat talking in an empty room. I slowly closed the door behind me, thinking about all that L had told me. I breathed in deeply.

"Do you think you can handle all of it, Matt. It is crucial that no one suspects your hand in it."

"Yes, L. I can do this. You can trust me."

I held the package closely to my chest. There were two envelopes: one was for Near, and the other for myself. I wasn't to open mine unless something happened to Mello. N…n...not that anything is ever going to happen to Mello; those were just L's instructions. I stared at the other envelope, the one I needed to deliver to Near immediately.

I really can't believe he asked me to do this. It's absolutely crazy. Done properly, it would take weeks…and I'd have to hide it from Mello!

For L's plan to work, I'd have to first hack into Wammy's security-which he himself had designed, and then…

Don't think about it Matt. Just don't think about it. You can't think about fighting the boss before you've found all the dungeon keys…

L kept a room full of surveillance monitors, watching the main rooms and hallways in Wammy's. One of his cameras had picked up Near to be in the kitchen, though for what reason I have no clue. I didn't take him to be the kind to pull off a midnight kitchen raid.

The door to the kitchen was unlocked, so I invited myself in. Near was sitting at a table, just like L said he would be. He glanced up at me. I noticed the pan on the stove and the steaming bowl of…something perfumy on the table. Oh. My. Mushrooms…Near can cook?

I carefully pulled a chair out from the small table in there, and sat myself across from ghost boy.

"Would Matt care for some guayabate?"

I blinked, "Some what?"

"Guayabate. It's a paste made from caramelized guava fruit."

"Umn…no thank you." I eyed the pink mush in his bowl, "Where did you learn to make that stuff."

"That is not important. But since Matt is here, I assume Mello is not far behind?"

"Actually, I'm alone, Near. I only came to give you this."

I pushed the envelope at him. His eyes widened upon seeing the elegant "N" on the top.

"What prank are Matt and Mello playing now?"

"Near, it's not a prank. And I have no idea what's in the envelope. I'm just the messenger."

He slowly opened the envelope, his bleached skin removing a folded piece of paper. A key fell from the envelope, clattering onto the wooden table. Near's eyes widened dramatically as the seconds ticked by. It was hard to read the reactions in his cold, menacing eyes…Near hides himself better than anyone I've ever met, so I doubt I'll ever truly be able to read him.

Finally, he put the letter down and looked right at me.

"This is from L. We cannot refuse."

"I know that."

"Mello cannot know."

"Yes, I know that too."

He curled a finger around a white lock of hair, "Interesting…Matt should get some sleep. It is already very late."

He stood up, putting his letter in my hand, "Read it, then burn it." He said and walked out of the kitchen.

With the added stresses from the last few hours, my room was the last place I wanted to go to.

Slowly I turned the knob, willing it to not break the silence around me. I winced as the door groaned when I slid it open and slipped into my bedroom. It was semi-dark, but the room was ample lit for me to see that my bed wasn't quite as bare as I had left it. In fact, my bedside lamp was lit and the bed was occupied. I inched slowly towards the bed, fear and curiosity rising in my chest. The body was sprawled across the cramped space of my sheets, his hand clinging to a small black rosary. A small, rather worn bible, the golden lining scratched so heavily with nail marks and spine peeling from overuse, was delicately lying on the bed's edge. I looked cautiously at Mello, who was sound asleep, and then picked up the book.

It was strange, seeing Mello on my bed like that. I can't even imagine what would have drawn him to do such a thing when his bed is like…8 feet away and umn…I mean, I'm still not even sure if he hates me at the moment or not. But even weirder was seeing the Bible out and exposed in the open. Mello's Bible doesn't get touched by other human hands. Ever. He keeps that thing under heavier guard than his chocolate. I don't even know where he hides it, but that thing is like his treasure. I remember when Mello first arrived at the Orphanage and Roger tried to throw it out because it was so worn and stuff. Not one of his brightest plans—well now you know how Roger got that scar on his left pinky. Yeah.

Curiosity overcame my fear of Mello waking up and finding me fingering his most prized possession. I placed my fingers on the edge of the cover and slowly turned it open. Out dropped a single sepia-toned photograph. I picked it up, examining the frayed edges. It was a young man and he was dressed ever so strangely. Old fashioned clothes. But the shape of his nose…the sharp upturned features, the soft curves of his lips. It was like looking at an older version of Mello, but with darker hair. I turned it over to find the thinly precise handwriting of a letter. It was too compact to read, and at any rate, I didn't recognize the language.

"It's old Hungarian and an obsolete mix of Czech and Slovak," said the sleepy voice from my side.

Shit. Shit o shit o shit o shit! _Oh my fucking chain chomp, I am so busted._ I looked across at Mello who was very much awake and staring at me.

"It's a love letter from my grandfather to my grandmother. She had that photo taken before he left to fight in the last great war." He spoke quietly. "Grandfather Emil never returned to her."

I stared at him, trying to read the emotions in those cerulean eyes. There didn't seem to be any anger. He didn't seem even the least bit upset, even though only a few hours ago he'd cursed me out of the room. I was glad that he seemed a bit more peaceful. I, however, was simply bewildered. We'd never talked about our lives before Wammy's.

I said the only thing that came to mind. "Wh-what was her name?"

"Ruti."

"You lived with your grandmother, Mello?"

"For a few months, yes. Grandma didn't last for long after my mother died…" his voice was choked. It wasn't hard to imagine how his night had gone, with the red rings framing his eyes and the pink tinge that dominated his nose. Mello must have cried for a very long time.

"Mello?"

"Matty…" his tone was soft…almost broken. Suddenly he threw his arms around me and buried his head in my stomach. I froze at the outburst and sudden contact.

"I…am so so sorry. I am such a jackass…"

I felt my heart catch in my throat somewhere. Mello was apologizing.

"Please Matt. Please forgive me." Not just apologizing, anymore, he was actually crying into me. "I've been so alone without my family. I know I'm a really fucked up friend to you, but you're the only person I have in this world. Everyone else has left me…"

I think my heart broke right then. My fingers ran along his cheek, brushing off the steady streaks of moisture that ran along the smooth milky skin. And I hugged him back.

"Mells…just forget about yesterday. Let's just forget about everything that happened." I squeezed him a little tighter, for reassurance. We stayed like that for a while.

"Do you ever miss it, Matty? Having a family? Sometimes it feels unbearably lonely without them."

"Naw, Mello. I've got all the family I'm ever going to need right here." I pulled away a little to look at him, to watch comprehension move through his features. And he smiled through those tears. That was better than if he'd actually spoken. I let the Bible fall gently on the bed after replacing the picture of Ruti.

Suddenly Mello hugged me tighter and I ended up toppling onto the bed with him. He fell against the pillow, the pressure of his back over my arm, and my body across his chest. It was an awkward position, to be sure, and yet, he held me tighter still. We were simply tangled in each other's arms, clinging the very heartbeats that went between our chests. I nuzzled my head into the crook of his neck and closed my eyes. If anyone walked into the room, they certainly would have gotten the wrong idea from our position, but…Ah…_he's stroking my hair. It feels amazing_…

When Mello was finally asleep in my arms, he looked like an angel. He is simply the most beautiful creature ever born, and I really mean that. There is something ethereal about how his blond wisps of hair frame the perfect chiseled features of his face. He's so angular and soft all at once. I tried to imitate his steady pace of breathing at he drifted into dream land. We were so close, I could feel his heart nearly meld into mine in a single steady beat. I smiled up at him, and ghosted my lips against his, my heart instantly fluttering.

I will be your new family, Mello, and I will never leave you.

"I love you Mello," I whispered into his chest. "I can't even tell you how much you mean to me…because you're beautiful beyond all words."

I smiled at the regular rhythm of his lungs.

Maybe I'm just a coward for only saying it to him in his sleep…but for now, it's…enough just to know that he needs me just as much as I need him. I snuggled deeper into the warmth of his body heat, following him into dream land.

"Matt."

"Mngh."

"Matt!"

"Uh…wazzat Mero?"

"Move. I have to go to the bathroom. And…you're drooling onto my arm."

* * *

A/N:AHAHA…ah, I couldn't resist that last part. Just too funneh! Sigh, can I kill a romantic moment or what?

The next chapter begins the new arc of the story, where we follow some real PLOT.

Reviews appreciated.


	7. Beyond Bathroom

Chapter 7: Beyond Bathroom

A/N:

And I'd like to thank ShinigamiMailJeevas for encouraging me NOT TO TAKE OUT the bloodiness that is going into this chapter…wait, blood? Who said anything about blood? Read the warning.

WARNING: This chapter contains graphic macabre. That's right, I'm talking about death…bloody gory torturous death, peoples. But It's kinda like...juxtaposed with fluff. so I haz did fluff gore? XD

* * *

"No Mello!"

"But Matt, you agreed to this, remember?"

"Not my Captain Planet boxers! You can throw out the 1up mushrooms. Hell, take the fucking Metroid ones, just leave that pair alone!"

Mello sighed dramatically, "Matt, the point of having someone else clean out your old clothes is so you don't end up keeping everything! Oh stop whining you big baby."

He did the one thing that I will never be able to fight against; he let his fingers slide over my belly and began tickling me furiously. I bit back a moan and opted to tackle him, grabbing my prize from his hand and rolling over on the carpet between our beds. It was too naive of me to think he wouldn't retaliate—I mean it's fucking _Mello_, he wins at everything. I didn't expect him to launch himself on top of me though. Although, I can't say I was opposed to the close contact, until he began tickling me slightly lower than usual, but _oh my Zelda_ did it feel good to be touched by those hands.

I couldn't risk arousal though, not with him close enough to see, or Midna forbid, feel any _ahem_, my healthy blood flow to the hea—damnit Matt! Stop thinking about it. Shit…I'm rolling around on the floor with Mello straddling me, wrestling him over a pair of my underwear… And _fuck it all_ if I don't feel horny as a ram; you would too!

_Rap! Tap! Rap! Tap! Tap!_

Mello slid abruptly to the right, his golden hair fanning slightly as he swung his gaze towards the door, in time with the creeping of its hinges. As he moved, his knee brushed against my thigh and I bucked involuntarily, causing him to lose balance and fall right onto me, his face mere inches from mine. And those lips…it took every ounce of my willpower not to lean up and close the distance…Rather, I simply stared into his eyes. The deep recesses of those azure marbles…

By the time Roger had the door fully cracked, it was hard to tell who's face displayed the deepest shade of rouge.

"Would you boys care to explain exactly what you are doing?" came Roger's voice, laced with slight bemusement through the frown on his face.

"…"

Yeah, what was I _supposed_ to say? Hey, Roger, I was dreamily staring into Mello's face, wondering what it would be like to run my tongue all over him. How was your morning? Bastard!

"We…we were just cleaning, Roger." Mello tried weakly, avoiding looking directly at me.

"And I suppose cleaning generally entails pinning your friend to the floor with your leg on his crotch?"

Oh. My. Mushrooms. Ha! Oh jeeze…_fuck_. We both looked down and sure enough, Mello's leg was draped across my zipper. He immediately threw himself backwards, creating as much distance between us as the small space between our beds allowed for. I don't think either of us realized it in our umn…ummn…_damnit what was I thinking again?_

"Mello, there is something I need to discuss with you in my office."

He sprung up, not pausing to pull his shoes on as I think lingering in here any longer would only increase the tension from the last few moments. I hadn't even moved from my position on the floor when I heard him mumble 'See you at breakfast Matty' as the door swung shut behind the two of them.

I just kind of lay there on the ground. Holy fuck. I pinched my forefinger together with my thumb. It had been that close! _That close_! Mentally I cursed myself, but in the back of my mind I knew it was better that nothing had happened. I didn't want to risk another fight like we'd just had so anything that could jeopardize our friendship was out of the question. I just wish it hadn't seemed so much like we really were going to kiss. I want to feel his lips against mine so badly, not the stolen kiss I took while he was sleeping, a real kiss. Damn the world.

I stalked out of the room, heading towards the dining hall. Breakfast would be ready soon and Mello had said we'd meet up there to eat. He wouldn't take forever talking to Roger. Maybe…maybe I could sort some of this out by then. Maybe I could decide if I wanted to do anything about all these feelings inside of me.

"Matt!"

I was nearly at the end of the hallway when I heard the faint voice in my ears.

"Matt!"

I found myself looking down at a small boy with mousy hair. He looked up at me with his large round eyes and a lollipop nestled between his pursed pink lips.

"Matt. Can you help me?" Damn his little kid puppy eyes!

"What's the matter Paul?"

"Zephr went out to make a sculpture really early…and he never came back. We always eat breakfast together! Please, would you go out and get him for me?"

Oh right. Of all the orphans here, Paul and Z are actually brothers. Go figure.

"Umn…" I looked at him blankly…but damnit…those large brown puppy eyes! Yeah…I'm a sucker, Toadstool be damned. I nodded at him. We walked through the front doors and veered to left, no one was outside this early and the crisp autumn breeze sent a tingle down my back.

We were heading towards the Southern garden, the forest-like expanse of land that surrounded the backside of Wammy's. Most of the younger kids avoided the South garden because it was of little interest to them. Only the older kids and the advanced art students ever spent their free time there; the former to perform sexual acts in the secluded shade of the trees, hidden from prying eyes and the latter for the foundry. But really, only Linda and Z used the foundry. Linda had a strange fascination with bronze sculpture, but Z was the best at casting locks, chains, handcuffs and other strange bondage paraphernalia.

I left Paul at the gate and swung the heavy latch forward. I walked a few feet into the grass and that's when I saw it: blood. The light shone sickeningly off the red drops in the sea of green blades. I glanced out to the grass some meters away, where a trail of bronze and blood led from the foundry. My feet were running even before danger could register in my brain. Kicking the door open, I could feel the instant heat as it licked my skin. There was no in the room but it was far from empty.

Creating ghostly shadows across the room, a fire flicked in the furnace, the crucible tongs forgotten on the floor. All around the room were scattered and broken molds of clay and other things…the bronze statues cluttered the floor in a mess. That's when I saw the white of bone…

Because there was _a severed arm on the floor_.

The nausea was almost instantaneous. I was retching on the floor, trying to block out the shoulder blade and bits of muscle that leaked out of the shredded arm.I ran out of the foundry towards the direction of the trees yelling out Zephr's name. And oh did I find him…did I _find_ him…

Running towards the forest was the right direction; there was Z's body lying on the floor between a mossy oak and an azalea bush. Calling his name was fruitless…the boy was dead. Dead. And _in pieces_.

I could feel the bile rising in my throat, but this time at the fresh sight of him. The meat seemed to slide sickeningly out of his skin, organs trailing out in different directions. Blood streaming, glistening, painting the grass that surrounded. He'd been hollowed out, but that wasn't the worst of it. His wounds were semi-sealed with bronze, long hardened and twisting his body into a grotesque statue. It looked like he'd been in an explosion from the cracked skull and flecks of brain that seeped into a mulch near his…what _was left of his ear_. His mouth was gaping, contorted into a shriek, the bronze forever capturing the agonizing howl that would never vocalize from those charred and bleeding lips.

But the last image I saw before my world fell into black were the empty sockets of his eyes. Gauged and seeping squished remnants of the jellied orbs, they were reservoirs of blood, drowning, filling with the after effects of hemorrhaging. The gaunt, soul-less pits were etched in my mind as my world fell into blackness…as I lost my consciousness entirely…

* * *

I was in the infirmary, on a long white hospital bed, the incandescent lights nearly blinding in unappealing geometric arrangements on the ceiling. A dull throb surged through the right side of my body and I tried to sit up, but I felt a wave of nausea hit me. I closed my eyes, a groan, escaping my mouth, but I couldn't shake the horrible memory…Z's empty sockets haunted me every time I closed my eyes.

I blinked to find Mello's hand around mine, fingers tightly intertwined as he leaned into the bed, nearly scooping me into his lap. And I clutched him as he held me and rocked me. He just felt safe, holding me against his chest with his legs partially wrapped around my side, whispering into my ear that everything was going to be okay. Even when I stopped shaking and the tears stopped rolling down my cheeks, he didn't move and neither did I.

"You really scared me, Matty." His voice was half-choked with worry and relief.

"Wh…oh Mello!"

"Shh…don't try to speak. I know what you saw. You've been in the infirmary for three days because you got a concussion from hitting your head."

Right. I remember vaguely. I think I slipped on something…

"Mello…" I whispered. He simply wasn't close enough, and he wouldn't be until he could drive the trauma from my mind. I buried myself in his chest; he smelled like chocolate and safety.

He captured my hands in his and clasped them together, nuzzling his nose into my neck…

"Mello!" a voice broke our rhythmic breathing. A hand pulled back the curtain that surrounded my little white bed, exposing us to the rest of the bleached infirmary.

"Mello! I've got the results from the luminal testing. I can't find Near so I thought you'd be able to decipher…" The girl stopped cold. I looked at her. Mint Dandy was her name, she stood fairly short with blond pigtails pulled in braids, away from her eyes. She was drowning in an oversized white coat, its pockets overflowing with strange little trinkets and devices. Mint's hands fell limply to her sides as she stared at us.

"Oh" she said simply, her face turning scarlet, "Umn…I didn't know that the two of you were…umn…uh…that close!"

"What do you mean?" Mello said quietly, his back arching slightly in defense.

"Well it's just that…friends don't usually hug quite that…_intimately_. I umn...I didn't mean anything by it Mello."

"Matt is my _family_, Mint Dandy, and I will touch him however I fucking want to!" Almost to prove his point, he shifted a little to pull me completely into him and kissed the top of my head, "And if you happened to forget, he fucking saw Z's brains spilling out of his head."

Oh damn it I am _so fucking confused_! I want to cry and scream. The way we must have looked. Mello and I were wrapped around each other in what probably showed as a lover's embrace. Everything in me screamed that I wanted this attention and yet I wanted to disappear. I am a sick bastard, is what I am. What kind of person am I? I feel fucking sick to my goddamn stomach. When I close my eyes I see pools of blood and charred masses of bronze and liquid forever sealing away Z's life. But there's this angel caressing me and whispering that it will be alright. I want to disappear into the strength of his arms. I want to believe the words that Mello is saying right now. I want them to be more than words themselves. I want to drown myself in their security. I want…_oh fucking shit damn it_!

Mello was still talking but the world was swirling around me, fading into black again. Mint Dandy fuzzed into a dizzying mass and I was slumping against Mello, falling, falling, falling against a pit of black.

_I was at a table, sitting down, an envelope in my hand. The center was dominated by a looping and elegant M. As I looked up, I saw the pale face of Near, seated at the other end of the table. He was dangling a key in front of me. I watched as it slid down clinking noisily against the deep mahogany but the table metamorphosed into glass. Near and I looked down through the glass and I could see a room that was quickly filling with blood…and in the middle of the room was an L…except it wasn't an L…it was Z's body shaped like a letter L…_

_Shaped like an L… And that's when it hit me…Z's strangely contorted body was shaped like an L…_

_Near. Key. L's instructions…_

"Mello!" I cried out, wiping my eyes in the sudden light of the infirmary.

"Mello," I choked out, "You have to find the letter! L gave me a letter that I wasn't supposed to read unless something happened to you, but I want to read it now. I want to know what it said, because Near and I were supposed to work on a mission together."

"Matt!" Said Roger. " What are you talking about?"

I glanced around to see Mello nowhere in sight. Roger had replaced him at my bedside and he was now furrowing his brow in worry.

"Roger, L gave Near and I a mission!" I looked at him squarely in the eyes. " And I think Zephr's death might be related to it."

"Matt," Roger said gravely."L has not set foot in this institution in years."

He regarded me carefully, as if the words I had spoken were flames that he could be caught in.

"What do you mean L hasn't set foot in here? I saw him. I talked to him! Mello saw him!" I was shouting now. I wasn't crazy. None of it made sense. I wasn't fucking going crazy. None of it made one shake of fucking sense.

Like deja vu, the curtain around us was pulled back roughly and Linda entered our little space.

"Roger! Roger! Near's gone! And we found this in his room." She doubled over breathlessly and with effort showed us a robot toy in her hand. A robot toy that was smeared in blood…blood that spelled out one single letter.

_L_

* * *

A/N: So, just so everybody is clear on the matter, a foundry is a forge place where they melt metal like bronze so they can make statues and stuff. Also, luminal testing fluid is used by forensics scientists to find trace amounts of blood on surfaces that the blood was wiped away from. If there was blood there, it glows bright blue. Lol…the stuff you can learn from video games. :D

OMG,_ L was never there_? Gasp…you know what that means right? Right?

Oh and ShinigamiMailJeevas won the contest on my original posting that she gave me my 100th signed review for this fic. Her prize was getting to choose Mello's Halloween costume for this story. She picked Mello in a Tinkerbelle costume.

This is my personal favorite chapter btw.

Review please? :D


	8. Beyond Brother Part 1

Chapter 8: Beyond Brother Part 1

A/N: Okay, thank you for everyone who has been reading this story from the beginning, and everyone who's jumped on recently to read. I really appreciate it, especially since this is still my first story (even though I have other multichaps up too). You guys are awesome and I love you.

Congratulations to ShinigamiMailJeevas who won the 100th signed review contest when I originally published this story. In a few chapters (about chapter 13ish) you'll get to see Mello in a Tinkerbell dress thanks to her :D

Disclaimer: After being horribly neglected, he fucking blackmailed me, so Linda's Teddy Bear decided to make a guest re-appearance in this chapter. Be gentle to him, he's still going through therapy after what Matt and Mello did to him.

Without further ado, I'll hand the spotlight over to L, yes, the REAL L this time. XD

* * *

"Again." Repeated the voice from behind the desk.

The man occupying the chair sat with his toes curled up on the edge, unnaturally arching his back into an awkward position. A silver tea service was placed delicately before him, his obsidian eyes reflecting across the shiny metallic surface as he stacked sugar cubes on a saucer. While our eyes never met directly, I still could feel him boring into my every essence, reading me, observing me, analyzing my very breath pattern.

The night I regained my consciousness, Roger had me recount every detail to him about the man Mello and I saw in the kitchen. My letter was quickly retrieved but at L's request, remained unopened until now. The detective himself sat before me, the two of us alone in Roger's office, with only Wammy to lay witness to the meeting. Mr. Wammy, or Watari, as L called him, kept stationary near the single window in the office while I repeated the story over and over and over again to L.

"Again." He prompted at my silence.

I sighed, but I knew the interview was both inevitable and crucial to the situation at hand. I mean, fucking hell, we were facing heavy security issues, brutal murder, and kidnapping…I don't fucking know what I was expecting…but talking about it wasn't getting easier with each rendition.

I took a deep breath and began at the logical place: the beginning.

"The day that you talked to us through the computer, Mello was out of chocolate, so we went to kitchen to get some."

"Even though that is against House rules?"

"Yes, Mello can be rather pissy without it. I imagine it is much the same as the way that you refuse to sit correctly."

He merely nodded, his dark hair falling haphazardly around his eyes and ears, "Yes, when one has such a concentrated focus of their genius, he or she will often pick up certain…habits…that assuage the negative projections of one's inner ticks. The familiarity becomes obsessive to the point of dysfunction without indulgence. It is a fascinating phenomenon, nearly akin to addiction, however it is not the subject of this meeting. Please continue."

"Well, I picked the lock and we stepped inside. The room wasn't empty like we expected."

"And who was in the kitchen?"

"You were."

He met my eyes with a slight twitch.

"I can assure you that the person you saw was not me. Until very recently, I have been working on a case in a different country, on the other side of the world. What was so similar about me and the person that you saw?"

I tried to remember. Oh Zelda I tried! But it was just…fucking hard okay? I close my eyes and I still see Zephr's mangled form.

"Nearly everything! Your hair, your posture, your eyes, the way you talk, even the food you're eating!"

Since I had already explained that the man I saw was eating strawberry shortcake, a slice had been placed out before L and he was contentedly devouring it before me.

"Matt, " he began severely, "We have been together in this room for nearly three hours. I am curious…tell me why I am not the same man you saw in the kitchen."

I regarded him carefully…my mind was spinning, desperate to find some kind of answer, but I came up with nothing…the fluorescent lighting glinted strangely off of the fork that he poised between his fingers…

_Fingers!_

"Your hands."

The fork fell, clinking daintily against bone china.

"Go on," he said, "I am interested in your theory."

"You hold you fork between your index finger and your thumb, so your hand curls towards the dangling object, giving it an air of delicacy. You hold things like they are fragile, thus preserving them, like you would something from a crime scene…He held his spoon between his middle finger and thumb. " I picked up one of his sugar cubes for emphasis, "this position disrupts the curvature of hand, causing the pinky and index finger to flare outward, almost in a striking position. It is anything but delicate."

"Fascinating." He swiveled he chair towards the eldest in the room, "Watari, please send for Mello."

As Mr. Wammy left Roger's office, I hung my head in my hands. He hadn't said anything yet, I knew why he was calling Mello. Surely, he was going to kick us out of Wammy's House for being too incompetent to prevent a murder when we were perfectly aware that a stranger was in the orphanage. What excuse could we give? I'd already explained how we thought it was L, but the more I dwelt on it, the stupider it sounded.

Mello would hate me. The one thing he wanted out of life was to become L and I'd gone and ruined his chance with my stupidity. It wasn't fucking fair! And after…I mean…it just seemed like we were finally connecting and now I was going to lose it all. My goggles began to fog as the tears slid from my eyes. I didn't dare look up when the door clicked, announcing Mello's presence. I was surprised when a warm pair of arms wrapped their way around my shoulders and I felt a chin rest on my shoulder.

"Matty, stop shaking. Everything will okay." Mello whispered into my ear, suddenly slipping his hand into mine.

I think I stopped breathing.

We were in the same room as our—no, Mello's idol, but Mello wasn't paying the least attention to L. Instead, he was comforting me. I suddenly felt his lips brush my hair so I slowly lifted my head to look at him. He was hovering so close to me. I could see concern laced in his eyes and when we locked our eyes, I forgot completely why I'd even been upset. How could anyone be upset around those eyes? They glittered when the light hit them just so, making me—

"Ahem."

Shit. Right. Wrong time to be having a fantasy here. Mello took a seat in the vacant chair next to me, never once untangling our fingers.

"Mello." Spoke the raven-haired man, tilting his head as he took Mello into his gaze.

"L." Mello's tone wasn't nearly as reverential as I would have expected. In fact, if I hadn't known better, I'd say that Mello was glaring at the man in utter defiance. What the fuck?

Ah…L's eyes lingered on our hands…He had a very _is-that-kind-of-behavior-normal_? Look in his eyes.

"You never held hands with your friends?" Mello asked, softly, tightening his grip a little.

"I spent my childhood traveling with Watari, solving cases, so I was detached from the other children who lived in Wammy's House."

L poured himself another cup of tea and began saturating it with sugar cubes, "Actually, I have never had a friend. I would not know how to act around one. However, I have watched videos of people who are friends, and I can only say that your behavior exhibits a few feminine qualities. Also, you kissed Matt on the forehead when you walked in here. That is not typical male-bonding behavior. Why would you do that?"

There was a child-like curiosity in the detective's words, but seriously, I couldn't think of more indirect way of saying you look like a girl and you're acting like one. The real question was why Mello was being so silent…and then…honestly, L asked the one question I've been afraid to ask. Why did Mello keep kissing me? He did the same thing in the infirmary, and…no…I mean…he couldn't, could he?

"Because I love Matt." Mello said, simply.

And with those words my world was shattered.

I'm sure L said something. I'm sure they were talking. I don't know for how long, or what was said. The only thing I could concentrate on was Mello's finger gently rubbing the circles into my palm. He…he…

_Mello loves me?_

I think I was grinning despite myself. Maybe I've been so caught up in my own feelings, that I haven't really paid enough to attention to catch the signs…I just…well _damn._

Mello and I, in love? I suddenly wanted to throw my lips across his, but there was no way in Palette Town that I would do something like that in front of L…who was talking…and _crap_ probably just asked me something as I was daydreaming…

"Please give me your take on the case, Mello."

"Well…" began the blond.

Mello went through every detail, but focused on the key clues: A man had definitely been to Wammy's, Z's body was deliberately shaped to resemble an L, Near had either been kidnapped or coerced into leaving, and a bloodied L was left on his robot toy.

"It's obviously directed at L." he finished.

"I am not apt to agree with that statement. There is still one clue unaccounted for."

Mello stared, "Wh-which one?"

"The letters."

I swallowed. Mello paled.

"How did you know about my letter? Wait. There were more than one?" he asked.

Wait,Mello got a letter too? So,not only was _I_ keeping mine a secret from him, _he_ was keeping his a secret from me? The thought made me frown.

"It would seem that there were ten letters." Continued L. "Each student in rank 10 or higher received one, with the instruction not to open it unless something catastrophic happened to the ranking directly above them. "

Well, I had been told not to open mine unless something happened to Mello.

"Thus 3 letters should have been open by now…"

I blinked, "Three? But only Near opened his, right?"

"No. Near's letter was the first one. I believe India would have opened the second letter when Matt was in the infirmary and Mello the third when Near when missing. You have opened your letter, yes Mello?"

"Yes."

"You opened it because Near went missing?"

"No. I opened it the day I received it. I wasn't going to wait."

L laughed, "Well there was always a 12% chance of that happening. Alright. I know what is going on now. Mello, gather the other 7 of you top ten and meet me in the drawing room. Tell them all to bring their letters. I am sure that collectively they are final clue. Matt, fetch Near's key, wherever it is."

Ah, Near's key. We'd already looked everywhere in his room, but the key was nowhere to be found.

"We haven't found it yet, L." I tried.

"Do not look for what should be there," he said, taking a final sip from his teacup. "Look for what _shouldn't_ be."

Mello was still holding my hand when L dismissed us. We paused a moment before leaving to do our tasks. I was mechanical during the entire meeting but as soon as Mello turned the brass door knob, shutting Roger's office behind us, I tackled him. I flung my arms around him, clinging to him.

"Whoa, down, Matt, down," he laughed, pushing me off, but playfully.

I let go of him enough so that we could walk normally. When we were a ways down the hall, out of earshot, I yanked the goggles from my head, and stared at him.

"I cannot believe you really said that."

"What?"

"Mello…I…I can't believe that you told L that you," I swallowed. "That you love me."

"Oh." Mello stopped walking as he spoke. "Well I thought…I mean,I didn't think I needed to say it for you to know."

And for the first time in a long time, I saw uncertainty flicker across his gaze.

"Don't _you_, Matt?"

"Don't I?"

"Don't you love me?"

I can't believe we're having this conversation!

"I…I…Mello, you…" I tried to remember to breathe, honest, but it was hard! "I love you more than you'll ever know."

There. I. Said. It. I could feel the drumming of blood to my ears. He just smiled at me.

"So, what do we do now?" I wondered aloud.

"Idiot." He punched me in the shoulder lightly. "I've already been acting on my feelings."

"Oww!" I feigned injury.

"But if you're having trouble understanding words, Matty, I guess I'm going to have to show you."

And with that he kissed me. _Oh my fucking chain chomp_ Mello _kissed_ me! It was light and a bit awkward but I didn't care. I've wanted it for so long! My fingers found their way to his blond tresses and I tried to show him that I really _do_ love him. It felt like he was caressing my mouth with his lips and my heart fluttered a little, but he abruptly pushed me off.

"Mmnn…not the time. We have jobs to do. Go on now." And with that he turned down the hall towards Steamer's room, leaving me rather frazzled and oxygen-deprived.

I touched my fingers to my lips a few times, trying to savor the utter feeling of Mello. He was right though, damnit! Work…_fucking shit_…I made my way to Near's room and opened the door. I…I do not like Near's room. For Sonic's sake, it's like fucking walking into Candy Land. The color scheme is enough to make you scream! I opened the door to find Mint Dandy in sitting on the bed, robots surrounding her. Her white coat had been thrown aside, which surprised me since she hardly took it off. It was weird to see her in just a regular pair of jeans and a shirt. She was tinker with one robot in her left hand. She'd unscrewed the backs and removed the batteries, apparently looking for anything hidden in them. Mint tossed one of her blond braids back when she caught sight of me.

"Oh, Matt! Am I glad to see you! I'm sick of these toys. Save my sanity and give me an update on what's going on, please! Hey, why are you blushing?"

"Umn…I'm just flushed. I was running to get here," more like thinking of kissing Mello in places other than his lips, but she didn't need to know that…"By an chance have you found the key?"

"Nope. We've been looking like Roger told us to and we've turned up zip."

"I'll take over for that then. Mint, L wants the top 10 successors in the drawing room. And he said…to bring your letter."

Her eyes widened, "The…the letter? You know about that?"

So it was true. Mint was ranked 7th and she had a letter.

"L will explain everything. He's waiting in the drawing room."

To say that she was shocked would be an understatement, but with the prospect of meeting L in person, she dashed out of the room, leaving me alone. I went through every inch of the place, trying to think of where Near could have hidden the key, but my efforts brought about nothing. To top it all off, I nearly tripped on Linda's fucking teddy bear.

Wait…

Linda's…TEDDY BEAR!

I grabbed it up. Every inch of it was sewn crudely together, with bits of stuffing fraying out of the edges. This definitely didn't belong. I ripped (for the second time) it open and began sifting through the stuffing. There, tangled in the middle, was the key. I grabbed it and ran out, nearly colliding with James who was making his way down the hall.

"What the bloody fuck is going on, Matt?"

"L will explain everything." I said as we made our way to the drawing room. I slipped my fingers around the door and pulled it open. James and I were the last to enter the room. We took our spots on the carpet, as it seemed we were sitting by rank. I let my body fall to the floor between Mello and India and looked around the room. Flint, James, Mint Dandy, Steamer, Vy, and Constance all looked up expectantly at the dark haired teenager who took front and center.

"Hello, children of Wammy's House. You may call me," he paused, "Ryuzaki."

"You're L!" gasped Steamer, bouncing a little in his overalls.

The man nodded and began, "I am sure you are all aware of Zephr's unfortunate death. You and the other children have been doing a magnificent job at investigating the murder and I commend you for your efforts. We have two problems, however, that face us."

"Catching the killer and finding Near!" squeaked Steamer again, unable to contain his excitement.

"Yes, finding both the killer and Near." L spoke, taking a seat on the floor with the rest of us curling his naked toes as he rested his hands on his knees. "But in order for us to solve this case, I'll need to tell you all a story about a woman named Analise Lawliet…"

* * *

A/N: So, OMG L and BB's past. That is what the 2nd part of the chapter is going to be about, but umn…yeah I figured this could be split into 2 parts.

Matt and Mello kiss! Yay! And Awww, Mello chose Matt over L. ^^"

So guess what? I'm graduating from university today! *pulls out champagne* Dance with meeee. Dance with meeee, readers WHOOO!


	9. Chapter 9: Beyond Brother Part 2 (fixed)

White Chocolate Chapter 9: Beyond Brother Part 2 (fixed)

SPECIAL NOTE: THANK YOU PITKAT for pointing out that I posed a duplicate chapter on accident. I r sorry readers.

A/N: Recall, L gathered the remaining 9 of the top ten (Near's missing), so minus Mello and Matt, that makes seven. Ranking order for the top ten, it goes Near, Mello, Matt, India, Flint, James, Mint Dandy, Steamer, Vy, and Constance. I have a tendency to recycle characters in other stories. Steamer appears in _Loathing_. You'll see Mint, Constance, Flint, and India over in _Those Who Favor Fire_, and I did a really weird non-romantic Near/Constance fic called _Will The Circle Be Unbroken_. You can kill me for that last one. I was texting Defeat Cigarettes and I was just like randomly "Oh I bet I could make a NearxOC fic that's completely canon-like". She bet that I could not. So I _fucking did_. I wanna kill myself for it. *hands you all guns* Go ahead. Shoot meeeeeeee.

Also. I almost died last week. There was an electrical fire and shit and This is how the story goes…To Infinity…and Beyond! XD

* * *

I think everyone held his or her breaths a little when L began to speak.

"You all know that your tutelage is funded by the great inventor Quillish Wammy. However, it was not his idea to create this place as an orphanage. The benefactress to whom we owe that idea was another. Her name was Analise Lawliet. Being an inventor of great prestige, Wammy had many brilliant scientists in his acquaintance. Two such were geneticists named Beatrice Ruvie and Analise Lawliet," when L paused, he eyes glazed over, as if he was recounting something painful, and his tone dropped, seeping with a strange sense of longing.

"What?" Constance couldn't contain herself, "Ruvie? Like Mr. Roger?"

L nodded, "Yes, Bea Ruvie is the name of Roger's late wife."

_Holy mother of Zelda! _Roger was married? Inconceivable! I turned to Mello to see his fingers tightly clenched in the carpet. James' jaw had fallen slack and Vy's eyes nearly popped from her face.

"Both women died before I was born, but it is through their influence that this institution is standing and through their legacy that I am sitting here before you. Having never met Analise, I cannot account for her character, but her brilliance has been rarely surpassed within her field, for you see, her greatest experiment is sitting here in this very room."

I looked around at the other children. Sitting in this room? As in…a person?

The man smiled at our obvious confusion before he continued, " Lawliet and Ruvie were both women who had been diagnosed as incapable of conception, so they worked together on a special genetic engineering project, to create complete clones of living people, in vitro, without a woman to carry the child. It was their way of…creating a false motherhood. "

"But L, isn't that kind of experiment against—" L cut off the Asian boy before he could even ask his question.

"Steamer, it is not our place to decide whether their research was ethical or beneficial. They were simply two women with an agenda and money enough to spend their time in pursuance of their goals. All of us here in this room…we are the same, aren't we? It is simply a coincidence that my personal whims benefic the general public in that I solve crimes. While that is a positive effect…in the end, I am only playing a game for my own amusement. Wammy also found it cause to fund their research, and I have found that he is rather a good judge of investment, or would you say he is wasting his money in education the lot of you?"

Steamer blushed deep and looked at the floor. I felt a little bad for the guy…

"Now, Bea Ruvie did eventually conceive a son but died due to complications during the birth."

Roger's wife died during childbirth? That…really sucks. No wonder he's less than loving towards us…but if he's got issues with children, why does he work in a fucking orphanage?

"Analise Lawliet was young Ruvie boy's godmother, and since Wammy was funding the research project here in Winchester, he moved the widowed Roger and his son Adam here. Distraught at his wife's death, but eager to continue her wishes…Roger decided he would have the family that Beatrice had always dreamed of. He proposed to Wammy taking in other children. At first it was just one, Beyond. As the children developed, it was evident that they were of high intelligence, both Adam and Beyond. They even took a strong liking to Analise's work and were allowed to be assistants in her laboratory. The arrangement worked so well for the Ruvies that it Quillsh decided to take in more children to this house and soon after, Roger became the 'father head' of this orphanage. Never having had a family of her own, Analise fell in love with Beyond and Adam and every other of those children who made up the first generation at Wammy's. Each child was uniquely brilliant and loved it when Analise visited, but none showed as much interest in her visits as that one child, Beyond Birthday. Beyond showed so much aptitude with the sciences that he was granted special permission to live in her laboratory with Analise and her other assistants."

I didn't like where this was going.

"L, if Roger had a son, why have we never heard of him? Or any of the other children for that matter?"

He looked directly at me before answering, "None of you are old enough to have known any of the children in that first generation of orphans. I don't think Roger would be comfortable telling you about those children…or his own son, for that matter. Adam Ruvie committed suicide when he was 14."

_Dear God!_

"I…I had no idea." How could I ever look Roger in the face again? All the times we'd punk him and just make his life generally miserable…he's…probably as broken inside as any of us are.

"L, this is all very sad and interesting, but why are you telling us all this now? How is it going to help us find Z's killer?" we all turned to look at Vy when she spoke. "Shouldn't we be concentrating on putting our clues together? Near could be dead while we're here listening to your story."

"Because," the detective leaned lower, affixing a pale thumb to his lower lip, "It is my fault that Adam Ruvie and Analise Lawliet are both dead. At least, that is what Zephr's killer believes. He is probably on some kind of crusade to save you all from becoming like me. Beyond Birthday…he hates me with every fiber in his being. You see…like you, I have no parents, but I am not an orphan. I was born in the laboratory of Analise Lawliet."

No. No…Just. _The fuck?_

"I am the success child. The only viable birth to have come from the years put into that research laboratory. I am actually…a clone made from the cells of Beyond Birthday."

This…had to be some kind of joke. "C'mon, L, stop jerking our chains."

"It is true. I have 94% identical genes with the man Beyond Birthday. I am the miracle lab experiment. Of Project Clone, I am specimen number 50, or L in roman numerals. I am a copy, the first and only of my kind. Beyond resents me because I surpassed him, the original, in intelligence and application. As I was raised here in Wammy's House, it became apparent that I do not function quite the same as those born through natural birth. Roger and Wammy set their attention on me and I outstripped any of the orphans, Adam and Beyond included, in every test. When I showed an aptitude for solving cases, they shifted all their attention on, the miracle boy, even going as far as trying to train the other children to be like me. Beyond Birthday will never accept me as a man, as a real person. He hates me, and he will do anything to prove that he, the original, has more worth than me."

L stood. Like, actually _stood up_ and pointed an accusatory finger at the ceiling, "We're sitting here in the midst of the murder of our surrogate brother and the kidnapping of another. The man that killed Z was undoubtedly Beyond Birthday and his agenda is to see my fall, but I am not his target. His true aim is—"

Who Beyond's true target was, L never got a chance to say, because he suddenly clutched the side of this neck and slumped forward, face falling completely into the carpet.

"L! Someone go get Roger, quick!"

Mello was the first to rush forward, but the detective had stiffened considerably within seconds. He stirred enough to pull a thin needle from the side of his neck, holding it out with his forefinger and pinky.

Poison dart?

Mello was trying to set him upright while the rest of us just rushed them, being more of a fussy mob than really helping. It was hard to keep calm with everyone talking at once. L's already pale face was draining rapidly in color. Constance was at the door, turning and twisting the heavy knob to no avail.

"Damnit! It won't open!" she kicked it in frustration, "It's been locked from the outside!"

I closed my eyes and pinched myself. This had to be some fucked up dream, because…how the hell was it reality?

"Everyone hit the dirt. Hands around your necks and step away from L."

I turned to see the boy standing there, blow dart dangling from one hand as a gun pointed towards the general space where we were all crowded. He was shaking where he stood. I didn't want to see the emotionless stare, but his eyes were so dead to us it was creepy.

"Steamer, what the hell are you doing?"

I was completely besides myself. One of us…one of our own, had just shot L with a poison dart. And was waving a gun at us.

Vy was the first to tackle him. She flung her body at the boy screaming, knocking the gun loose and James dove to grab it but Steamer twisted his body to land on the gun, using his whole weight to hide it.

Mello was nearly livid, screaming, "How could you do this? How could you betray us like this? What the fuck are you, thinking, Steamer? I can't even feel L's heartbeat."

You could hear the desperation in Mello's voice. It was a madhouse. I couldn't do anything but just sit where I was, motionless.

Steamer squirmed underneath James' weight, but Vy kicked him hard across the face.

She grabbed him by the hem of his shirt and shoved his head against the carpet, "Say something you little snake!"

He coughed a little, blood dripping from the corner of his mouth. "I have an oxygen mask and a gun. Ten minutes from now, this room will be completely filled with carbon monoxide. My accomplice is somewhere in the house. Unless you want to die here, I suggest you do exactly as I say. Get the fuck on the floor, _now_."

"What accomplice? What accomplice you little bitch?"

The boy only laughed. Smiled and laughed and mocked us all. Finally he did say something.

"Hey Matt," Steamer whispered in my direction, "Convenient thing, hacking the camera feeds for us, I don't have nearly the tech savvy to do that on my own."

I was already feeling lightheaded as Mello pushed me down, but I couldn't take my eyes off of Steamer. What in Toad's name had I done? I…yes, I had broken into the camera feeds…but…I didn't know that it wasn't L who ordered me to do it. I...I…I…damnit! Damn _fuck it all_!

What had I done, what had I done?

L was gonna die. We were all gonna fucking die.

We were all gonna fucking die, and it was all _my fault!_

* * *

A Note from Banen: I realize that was a fuckload of dialogue, and L only got to tell half the backstory with Beyond and A. Beyond and A (who isn't dead) will tell the rest of the story over the next few chapters. Yes, you will get to see Beyond again soon. And there will be a lot of action in the next few chapters. They'll get to use those goddamn keys finally ^^". And no, Matt, Mello, and Near do not die XD.

And you'll finally get to see Mello in his Tinkerbell outfit...^^"

And it was my birthday two days ago. Wanna give me a review as a present? ehh? ehhh? Speaking of Birthdays. I posted a oneshot for MelMat today called 'Eyes Like a Cheshire Devil'. I got the prompt for ShinigamiMailJeevas, and if you know the few stories I've written to prompts from her, you'll know they're some of my best stuff, so please take a looksie, yeah?

and If any of you want birthday one-shots from me, please join the He Moves Me Differently MxM forum (linked on my profile) and make an account. There is a thread there that I have asked anyone who wants a story from me to please put their birthday down and give me a prompt at least a week in advance. I will write each and every single one of you whatever you wish (if y'all come join and put ur digits up)


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